The Random Stuff of Interests Page

If you’re like me (and God help you if you are), then you’ve probably been practicing your come-on line for that day when you stumble across Scarlett Johansson in a bar somewhere, hopefully while she’s on the rebound. Well, that’s sorta still possible, even if the news of the weekend is that Scarlett Johansson has gotten hitch to Ryan Reynolds somewhere in Vancounter, British Columbia, which I believe is in Canada or thereabouts. So what are the chances that this thing will actually work out? I dunno. They sure are pretty enough to make very pretty babies, but hot young celebrities usually don’t squirt out the kids unless the marriage is the RESULT of an unplanned pregnancy, in which case your chances of catching the female half on the rebound a year or so from now is pretty darn good. So, Scarlett Johansson is off the market. Here’s a look at what Ryan Reynolds will be coming home to at nights. The bastard.

Now I’m not saying there’s nothing better than a picture of Blake Lively on the beach in a two-piece bikini, but I am saying that I would have preferred it if someone had cut this black swimsuit that Blake Lively is wearing for this beach shoot into two pieces and then, you know, sort of drape it over her oh-so-lovely and gorgeous body. I don’t know if Blake Lively has the most perfect skin in all of Hollywood, but I am saying that it’s very possible that Blake Lively, star of the CW’s Gossip Girl, might just have the most perfect skin in all of Hollywood. Then again, this is Hollywood, which, at one point in time, convinced me that Fran Drescher was actually hot. I stand in front of you ashamed and repentant. Blake Lively? Not a gosh darn thing to be stressed about. Please to enjoy.

What’s that, you say? You can’t get enough of Megan Fox pictures from her new movie “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People”, even though the chances of you actually going to see this thing is about the same odds that you’ll finally get a girlfriend by the time the film opens, and no, I’m not talking about the “girl from Canada” who no one has ever met? Why, of course! You only need to ask, mon ami. Here’s more of the always foxy Megan Fox from “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People”. And yes, it does appear this scene involves Megan Fox stripping down to bra and panties in the middle of a party. You’re welcome. Now go out and try to get a girlfriend, for God’s sake. You’re embarrassing both of us here.

Wait, didn’t the Spice Girls reunite or something? Last I heard, they had. Or maybe I just wanna, I wanna, I wanna believed they had reunited. (Get it? Oh man, I kill me.) In any case, I don’t know what Geri Halliwell has been up to now that the group is no longer still touring (they still aren’t touring, right? damn my lazy lack of researching!), but perhaps it involved something to do with exorcising every single inch of fat from her body and replacing them with cold, hard hotness. I have to admit, Geri Halliwell aka Ginger Spice was never really my favorite of the group (like everyone else, I thought Posh was hot, way before she got so thin that you could literally see through the poor, emancipated girl), but I’m changing my mind. Geri Halliwell is officially the hottest Spice Girl out there. Or at least, the most limber.

Wow, how long has it been since we dipped into the clear blue oceans of Australia for another lovely lass from the land of Down Under? Well it’s been a while. It’s not like I actually keep track of this thing, you know, I mean come on, it’s hard enough keeping track of my daily intake of Cheetos, I can’t be spending additional time keeping up with the nonsense I post on this blog on a regular basis. That having been said, boy, it sure has been a while since we posted a lass from down under, huh? Well to rectify that little mistake, here’s Lisa Jenkins. She’s an Australian model who used to be on Big Brother or something. I think. If I’m wrong, let’s just pretend I’m right and enjoy the pics, shall we?

Now to be perfectly honest with you, I can’t think off the top of my hat the reason why Leeann Tweeden is famous, but I do know this — Leeann Tweeden has an insane body, with the kind of curves that makes guys walk into poles, and whatever it is she got famous for (I’m assuing the rack, the face, and the curves had something to do with it, but who knows, maybe she’s secretly a rocket scientist?), but gosh, I sure am glad some dudes figured out that putting Leeann Tweeden in their magazines and having her wear as little clothes as possible to sell said magazines out in the open was the way to go. As an added bonus, as I hear it, Leeann Tweeden is also a big supporter of our military. You go, girl! (And please, while you’re at it, stop by my basement for a little interview. I have questions to ask, such as, can you fit these handcuffs that I just bought…?)

Our Latin Flavor of the day is one Vanessa Arias, a Mexican actress from, er, Mexico, of course. She’s known primarily as a soap opera actress (or as they call it over there, telenovas), and has starred in such great works as “Amigas y rivales”, “Velo de novia”, and of course, my personal favorite, “Mujer, casos de la vida real”. Now you know I don’t go anywhere without catching the latest episode of “Mujer, casos de la vida real”. Am I right or am I right? Okay, so I don’t know what any of these things are. But you know what I do know? Vanessa Arias is friggin gorgeous, and she’s got a body that just doesn’t quit. Heck, when everyone else goes home, Vanessa Arias’ body stays behind and keeps on working. Now THAT is a body that doesn’t quit!

Isla Fisher is an actress who is probably most famous for dating that douche bag Borat. Or the guy who plays Borat in the movies and on that thing the kids call a TV show. Who knows? Maybe in the coming years she’ll be known as Isla Fisher the really sexy actress with the killer cleavage. Hey, we can dream, can’t we? In any case, it’s Friday, and here’s your totally gratuitous dose of celebrity cleavage courtesy of Isla Fisher. Oh sure, you could probably find a woman with a better rack, but I don’t know, Isla Fisher’s combination of next-door pretty good looks and ability to impress with the rack is just too good to pass up. So if your weekend sucks, just come back here and take a look at our latest celebrity cleavage, and thank your stars you’re still alive. And still have eyes. Cause you know, it would suck if you were alive but couldn’t see, as you wouldn’t be able to see this. But I digress.

What do beauty queens do when the beauty queen stuff is done and over with? (And let’s face it, after you’ve been entered into the Miss Universe contest and lost (or heck, even if you’ve won), what’s there left to do in the beauty queen world except move on?) If you’re our Random Foreign Babe of the Day Valia Kakouti, then you go into modeling, where your outstanding curves will leave boys drooling into their cereals. (What, am I the only one who look at lingerie catalogs over a bowl of cereal?) Valia Kakouti has shown up in Maxim and other men’s magazines, and word has it that in a few years she’ll invent a new clean energy source that will put all the oil companies out of business. Either that, or she’ll show up in Stuff. Either/or.

Since the last time we indulged in a little Monica Noguera spying last year, we’ve since known even more about her. Like how she really likes nachos, she doesn’t care for getting bitten by snakes, and that in her free time, she likes to steal candy from kids. Okay, so maybe none of those things are true. (Except the first one; doesn’t everyone like nachos? I know I do! And if I do, then by God, it must be universal, right?) In any case, since it’s a very dry and dull day, I though it’d be nice to indulge in a little bit more of latin flavors courtesy of Monica Noguera. I think she’s an actress. Or a singer. Or maybe she models lingerie for the folks. And of course by the folks, I mean for me in my basement for $20 an hour. Hey, that’s a lot of money, you know. Please to enjoy.

Color me disappointed that Kathleen Robertson never really caught. I mean, did you see her in “Scary Movie 2″? Running around in that skin-tight outfit with the G-string showing? Dude, that is, like, the greatest role ever! And it’s not like she’s not talented, too. The woman actually has oodles of talent. But she puts on the sexiest movie role in a spoof film in, like, EVER, and no one even notices. Meanwhile, Carmen Electra can’t even spell the word “act”, and she’s more famous than Kathleen Robertson? God, you guys suck. Anyways, Kathleen Robertson was at last week’s Emmys show, and brought the boys with her. Yes, I am talking about that killer cleavage. Egads. Those are real, too, boys. Damn, I knew I should have watch the Emmys like my gay neighbors did…

Megan Fox has a new movie called “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People”, in which Megan Fox (aka the movie’s current Sex Goddess for another year or two, or maybe months) plays an airhead actress who uses her sex appeal to get ahead in the movies. Or somesuch. Look, I don’t actually research this stuff, okay, I’m doing the best I can. And by “the best I can” I mean I don’t actually do any research at all. Oh well, shit happens, am I right or am I right? Anyways, here’s more of Megan Fox from “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People”. Megan Fox is, as the kids would say, alright to the eyes. If by “alright” you actually mean so smoking hot my retinas are burning just looking at her. To wit, promos from the movie below.

I don’t know if it was just me, but I really expected to see more of Roselyn Sanchez when she first burst onto the scene a few years back. She had a string of really big-time Hollywood A-list movies to her credit, but somewhere along the way, she sort of dropped off the radar. She even did a pretty provocative stripper movie called “Yellow” a few years back that no one noticed. Now she’s mostly doing TV work, with a regular stint on the show Without a Trace, one of those TV shows that I don’t know a single person who watches it, or even knows it exists, and yet the show keeps coming back season after season, so someone out there has to be watching it, right? One thing I’m not disappointed with? Roselyn Sanchez is still smoking up the place, which is pretty much the biggest lesson here, kids: even if the career doesn’t quite go as plan, make sure you keep being easy on the eyes. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Yeah, yeah, I know: “Susan Sideropoulos is Still Sexily Soothing? Really? You gonna go with that, guy who writes stuff?” The answer is, Yes. I’m going with that. I know, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, and at one point I thought about revisiting it and changing it to something more, you know, less retarded, but I’m the kind of guy who sticks by my ideals, and so, yeah, I’m going with Susan Sideropoulos is Still Sexily Soothing. It’s got a nice alliteration thing going on, and you know, you won’t get this kind of totally unnecessary alliterations anywhere else. Yup, just here. Now ain’t that special? No? Well how about Susan Sideropoulos’ rack, then? Get an eyeful, ya hard to please bitches.

I know what you’re thinking: “Hey, guy who writes this stuff just to justify posting hot pictures of women in varying stages of undress, it sure has been a while since you last posted anything on a British babe.” Well gee, guy who can read minds, you’re right! So, to rectify this bout of laziness on my part, here’s Danielle Bux in another edition of Brit Babe of the day. To be honest with you, I don’t even know if Danielle Bux is actually British, but she’s engaged to some former soccer player over there in the UK, and she’s currently the cover girl of the Maxim UK magazine, and that’s good enough for me. Apparently soccer is so big over in the UK that even has-been players get the prime-A tail in retirement. Man, I gotta pick me up some soccer playin’…

In the latest issue of Maxim Magazine, model turned actress Diora Baird laments that when producers get a hold of her, they usually cast her as a stripper, or someone of equal predilection to take off their clothes. I can’t say as if I blame those scummy Hollywood producers, as one look at Diora Baird’s latest Maxim spread simply convinces me one thing: this woman is holy hot, and should be playing strippers on the big screen. Now that may be unfair, but you know, men being men, we’re a simple bunch, and when we see a hot woman, we immediately wish she was naked in front of us. Failing that, we try to get her into something that would require her to take off her clothes. Hey, it’s a half-assed way to see a hot woman naked, but you know, it ain’t such a bad way to go through life.

If you didn’t know that lingerie model Juliana Martins was Brazilian, you would immediately think she’s French, or hails from Europe or thereabouts. But if you’ve been reading this site, you know she’s yet another Brazilian, from a long line of Brazilian models who have yet to make it big, but is probably this close to doing so. Then again, being a Brazilian model nowadays must be kind of a drag; besides all the competition you have to wade through — oh who am I kidding. There’s no downside to being a model from Brazil! It’s like, get up, take off half your clothes, pose, go back to sleep, then get up the next morning and vacation for two months. Or something like that. Anyways, Juliana Martins is back in her bra and panties, and it’s Heavenly.

Her name is Nadine Velazquez, and she loves Maxim, and vice versa. Being that whenever she shows up in the pages of Maxim and similar men’s magazines she’s usually mostly naked, half naked, or generally really hot looking, we, the general populace, loves her, too. Now I can’t recall the last time I actually saw her show My Name is Earl (seriously, how am I expected to sit there and watch some guy with porn mustache for 30 minutes?), but I can recall the last time I had a bad, bad fantasy about Nadine Velazquez. That was a few seconds ago. Oh, wait, there’s another one. And another one… Man, it must be these photos. Wait, oh, there was another really good one. Damn, Nadine Velazquez, thanks for the memories!

As far as I can tell, there are only two things hotter than Megan Fox: the sun and this itch along my right leg; I don’t know what’s going on down there, but I think it’s turning into a rash. But I digress. There’s not a whole lot of things hotter than Megan Fox, and yes, I’m even including those outrageously retarded tattoos that she’s covered her perfect little self with. Really, super hot girls, may I ask for a moratorium on ugly tattoos? There’s absolutely nothing worst than a girl who is so uber hot that men pee their pants when she walks past who decides to cover her arm with a giant friggin tattoo of Marilyn Monroe’s head. Wow, really, Megan? But eh, you’re so hot, I’m going to forgive you, baby. Check her out in GQ wearing a bikini with, thankfully, most of her tattoos covered up. Did I mention that Megan Fox is really, really hot?

So some prick name Ike is bearing down on us and being the prick that he is, he’ll probably knock out my Internet connection for the next few days. Until then, here’s some Gemma Atkinson to hold onto. (And yes, I am referencing her massive rack.) Ah, I feel so much better. Thanks, Gemma!