Jaime King in Maxim
Model turned actress Jaime King first made an impression on me as the devilishly hot “Bad Girl” in the Chow Yun Fat movie “Bulletproof Monk”, but most people probably know her as the blonde who gave Marv the time of his life before getting snuffed in Robert Rodriguez’s “Sin City”. You can next see Jaime King in Frank Miller’s “The Spirit” (I guessed he liked her in “Sin City”, based on his comics), and God willing, she may be back as Goldie in “Sin City 2″ (that is, if it ever gets made). Here’s Jaime King in the latest April issue of Maxim, appearing on newsstands every where March 18.
The Daily Show on the Eliot Spitzer Scandal
“Spitzer Swallows”. “Bang the Gov Slowly.” “[Bleep] Gate.” Okay, so I don’t know what went into the [Bleep] one, but I’m guessing it started with an “f” and ended with a “k”, but I could be wrong. Here’s Jon Stewart and the Daily Show’s take on the Eliot Spitzer prostitution scandal. A bit short; Jon and company usually goes pretty long with a scandal as delicious as this one, usually involving one of their faux reporters defending the topic of the scandal. But apparently they had the whole day set up to cover the Wyoming Presidential Caucasus (oh, joy), and, er, just didn’t have time to really go all out on the Spitzer deal. Oh well, maybe they’ll make up for it tomorrow.
Mary Ann aka Dawn Wells Busted for Pot
Well, I guess this is one way to get back in the news, right? There’s an old saying in Hollywood, that once your career is over you can’t even get arrested in this town. Well Dawn Wells, 69, formerly Mary Ann on Gilligan’s Island, did get arrested, but she was in Idaho at the time. (One out of two ain’t bad.) Wells was busted by a Teton County sheriff’s Deputy (I don’t know where the hell that is, either) with marijuana in her car. She’s set to serve six months’ unsupervised probation for the bust. Best part of the story: Wells blamed the marijuana smell coming from her car on three hitchhikers she had given a ride to earlier. Nice one, Mary Ann!
Britney Spears to Guest Star on How I Met Your Mother
Not content to just nearly destroy any notion of street cred that the MTV Music Awards may still have had say, a few years ago, Britney Spears is now set to hee-haw her way through an episode of the CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother. If you have never heard of How I Met Your Mother, then you’re not alone. I seriously have no idea how that show is still on the air. Sure, it’s not entirely UNfunny, but it’s kinda, well, vanilla. In any case, Britney Spears will be playing a character named Abby, who works in the doctor’s office owned by main character Ted”, and is described as “sweet and friendly and scattered and a little nerdy”. Wow. Britney Spears is going to be playing a character that is “a little nerdy”. When will Hollywood stop stereotyping people? It’s just wrong, y’all.
Marley Shelton is an Ass-Kicking Government Spook
You gotta love TV. Where else can you find shows where the girl is tougher than the guys. Hopefully, Jerry Bruckheimer’s newest creation, The Eleventh Hour, will survive longer than all the other chicks-kick-ass TV shows like Bionic Woman. In Eleventh Hour, Marley Shelton plays an attractive government spook who helps a government scientist (played by Rufus Sewell) investigate wrongdoings in the science fields. Basically, they uncover crazy experiments that produces mutants and monsters and maybe even aliens, and it’s up to Marley Shelton to kick their asses while Rufus cowers in the corner. Well maybe not, but probably.
No More Meat for Jenna Jameson
Jenna Jameson has officially said “no mas” to meat. Er, I mean, you know, the beef kind, not the, er, other kind. (She’s also retired from porn, too, FYI.) Anyways, it’s confession time: back in the day, when I was a younger man, I might have indulged in a Jenna Jameson movie or two. Or twenty. Look, I was really lonely back then, okay? But I digress. What I’m trying to say is, the Jenna Jameson that I used to watch on all those lonely nights (and morning, and afternoon) look nothing like the Jenna Jameson that I’m seeing now. I don’t know what she’s gone and done with herself, maybe it’s just the massive weight loss that has altered her features nearly completely. Which goes to show you that meat is good for you, especially retired porn princesses. Here’s Jenna Jameson showing off her new PETA ad.
Vanessa Paradis to Make her English-Language Film Debut. Ooh lala.
You might not know the name Vanessa Paradis unless you’re French (or maybe if you’re European, you might be aware of her), but she’s probably better known as the baby mama of Johnny Depp’s kids. The couple have two children together (although they’re not married, the sinners), and Paradis is an actress and singer. She’s never done an English-language film before, but that’s going to change when she co-stars alongside Michael Madsen in “The Midwife Crisis”. According to this, “The Midwife Crisis” is “the story of a bizarre love affair between a midwife and a loan shark”. I’m guessing Madsen plays the loan shark, and Paradis the midwife. Who has a crisis. Etc.
Nicole Scherzinger Performs for the Troops in Kuwait
Okay, so maybe she’s not in Iraq dodging mortar fire, but Nicole Scherzinger still put herself in danger by visiting the troops in Kuwait and performing as part of the Operation Myspace live tour. Okay, okay, so maybe “in danger” is a tad overblown, but how about, er, “looking sexy in an arid environment?” Because lest my college education is misinformed, I’m pretty sure Kuwait is hot and desert-y and whatnot. But hey, whatever, right? Here’s Nicole Scherzinger on stage doing her best to keep the troops entertained. Shake a little booty, purse a little lip, and grind a couple of girl dancers, and it’s time to kill some scumbag terrorists. (And oh yeah, the Pussycat Dolls were there, too.)
Rebecca Loos in FHM
If you don’t know who Rebecca Loos is, then you’re probably not a Brit, and you don’t follow soccer. Loos was a 9-to-5 secretary whose claim to fame was that she caught the lustful eye of soccer dude David Beckham, who made her his “personal assistant” (i.e. they did it on the desk at least once). After her affair with Beckham became public, Loos has carved out quite the nifty career for herself in glamour modeling and various TV appearances. Who knew you could get so much out of giving it away on a desk? And here all I got were some splinters. Stupid cheap wooden desk.
Natalie Portman is Fetching in Marie Claire
Twenty-six year old Natalie Portman graduated from Harvard, and is considered one of Hollywood’s smartest actresses. Then again, we are talking about Hollywood here. Half of these people never even finished high school. Now I’m not saying Hollywood people are generally stupid, but I am saying that most of them are dumb as an ox. There are the exceptions, of course, but for the most part, do you really want to get your world politics from Sean Penn? Or decide who to vote for President based on what Ben Affleck says? This guy makes 20 crappy movies a year! His decision-making ability isn’t exactly, you know, top notch, folks. In any case, here’s smarty pants Natalie Portman in the British version of Marie Claire, looking all kinds of fetching.
Kate Beckinsale Reminds us why the Brits are so Gosh Darn Cute
In a recent interview with Allure magazine, Kate Beckinsale was asked what her best features were, to which she replied her “Pharoah’s Tomb”, aka her vagina. Or as she puts it, “My twat.” Says the British babe: “My best feature is unfortunately a private matter, although I’m told it is spectacular. But you can’t really walk it down the red carpet. What can I say?” What? You can’t walk it down a red carpet? Have you ever, you know, tried, Kate? Walk it, baby, walk it! And oh yeah, Kate Beckinsale has only ever had three “boyfriends” (by which I think she means that she’s only ever had three men she’s slept with) in her life. Holy God, that hotness is so going to waste…
Down Under with Gillian Cooper
Aussie Gillian Cooper has her hands full: at 19, she’s modeling and going to school online. Her major? Criminal justice. No, I kid you not. So what exactly were YOU doing at 19? Probably getting drunk and trying not to barf up last night’s jelly shots while listening to that dull professor drone on and on about history or science or what have you. Gillian Cooper would laugh in your face. She tells Savvy.com: “I loved basketball and hanging out with the girls. Running around with them was such fun.” And I bet one thing led to another and they all ended up in bed — wait, sorry, I fell asleep and was fantasizing there for a moment.
Hollywood Top 5: Worst Movie Strippers
Hollywood does a lot of things well, but movie strippers is not one of them. More often than not, you’ll get an actress who wants all the cache of being able to say, “I played a stripper in a movie”, but without taking the clothes off. By not stripping, they are technically not playing strippers, as the word “strippers” would seem to imply the “stripping” off one of one’s clothes. Another major problem with movie strippers is the “good girl wants to go bad” syndrome, where an actress known for an innocuous career decides to “shock” us by playing a stripper to prove she’s grown up. Sometimes it works, but mostly it doesn’t. Here, then, are our Hollywood Top 5: Worst Movie Strippers.
Kelly Rowland Confirms Breast Implants
Kelly Rowland’s rack doth overfloweth with extra boobage. Former Destiny’s Child bandmate Kelly Rowland, aka “one of the other girls who isn’t Beyonce”, has confirmed to People magazine that she was the recipient of a little renovation on her chest, aka she got a boob job. According to Rowland, she went from an A-cup to a B-cup, which seems kind of half-ass to me. If you’re going to go bigger, why not go bigger instead of slightly bigger? But hey, maybe that’s just me; I’m just naturally more ambitious than the average horny bear. These pictures are apparently from the pre-boob job Kelly.
Sports Babe of the Day: Carolina Kostner
It’s not every day you find a female figure skater worth ogling. Usually they’re tiny little bundles of energy, more jailbait that hottie, but our Sports Babe of the Day, Italy’s Carolina Kostner has changed all that. The 21-year old is a two-time European skating champ (2007 and 2008) and in her spare time she likes to slip on the two-piece bikini that bears the colors of her country’s flag. See, you can be patriotic and hot at the same time, kids! Bonus FYI: Carolina was the flag bearer for the Italian team during the opening ceremony of the 2006 Winter Olympics. Carolina Kostner bikini goodness. Please to enjoy. Or as the Italians say, “Carolina Kostner in a bikini! Please to enjoy!”
Eliot Spitzer aka Client 9 Likes his Prostitutes Pricey
Wall Street must be dancing today, because their bogeyman, Eliot Spitzer, has been caught with his pants down — literally. Well, okay, maybe not literally, but he was caught arranging by phone to get his pants down with a high-priced call girl last month. Today, the self-righteous Spitzer (who liked to style himself as a “crusader” i.e. ambitious political hack) aplogized publicly for boning a woman other than his wife, which is a damn shame as the wife still looked like she could go a few rounds, if you know what I mean. But hey, that’s a politician for ya. Was it any surprise that the guy who crusaded to destroy those “Wall Street villains” turned out to be a dude who likes to whore around behind his wife’s back? More on Spitzer, or as he’s known by the hos, Client 9, and his whoring ways.
Kate Beckinsale is Anna Karina. Sort of.
Okay, so I don’t really have a clue who Anna Karina is, and I suppose I could google her, but I just don’t feel like it. Kate Beckinsale is on the cover of the latest issue of Mean Magazine, and the magazine has a video shoot of her doing her best Anna Karina impression. According to the Mean site, “See Kate Beckinsale become Anna Karina in this exclusive tribute to Serge Gainsbourg’s ‘Rollergirl’.” If that means something to you, you’ll get a kick out of this. If it doesn’t, well, there’s Kate Beckinsale in a red man’s shirt gyrating around in the video for like three minutes or so. That’s kinda hot, in a weird, “Huh, that’s strangely arousing” kind of way.
Brit Babe Invasion: Emilia Fox
Who is Emilia Fox, our Brit Babe of the day, besides a dead ringer for a British version of American actress Julianne Moore, right down to that glorious flowing hair? Well she’s an actress, most well known to our friends across the pond for playing Nikki Alexander on the British TV show Silent Witness. She left the show in 2004, and her biggest part to date has been co-starring with Geoffrey Rush in the critically acclaimed movie “The Life and Death of Peter Sellers”, which is something to put on your resume except, er, her scenes were completely removed from the finished film. (You can see them on the DVD of the movie, though.) Now I can’t tell if she’s a redhead or a blonde in these pictures, but if she was a redhead, that would be really super, as I’m a sucker for redheads…
Jennifer Esposito Bikini Pictures in Shape Magazine
Hey, kids, remember Jennifer Esposito? She used to be one of the stars of the sitcom Spin City (you know, the one that starred Alex Keaton, before he started shaking too bad to hide on camera), and since then she’s done award-winning work on movies like “Dracula 2000″, “The Master of Disguise” (with Dana Carvey, of course), and who could forget “Breakin’ All the Rules”? In that last one, she played Rita Monroe, the tough prostitute with a heart of gold, and too many STDs to count. Or was that another movie? Either/or. Here’s Jennifer Esposito making a comeback in Shape Magazine, doing what Shape always does, which is put a stunning woman on the cover in a two-piece bikini. (They should just rename their magazine Bikini or something…)
…Because People Aren’t Having Sex in China
And you thought American culture was uptight when it came to sex. At least we never banned an actress because she simulated sex on screen! Which is what the Chinese have done with Tang Wei, the female star of Ang Lee’s WWII-era spy/drama/hedonistic fest called “Lust, Caution”. Because of Wei’s sexually explicit scenes in the film, the Chinese Government have decreed that all Chinese State media are to shun the poor girl. Which kinda sucks for Wei, because she currently has a nearly-million dollar deal with skin care brand Pond, and her commercials for them were running in China, the product’s biggest customer base, and with the ban in effect, Tang Wei’s face is to be completely wiped from China’s State-run TVs.
