The Random Stuff of Interests Page

Ah, women’s tennis. Let’s face it, unless you were born with a tennis racket in your hand and lives and dies by the sport, you’ll probably agree with me that the best thing tennis has ever done was give us some really smoking hot female tennis players. The original was, and still is, the best in my opinion — none other than Russian Goddess Anna Kournikova, who, I believe, has still never won a major title, but never you mind that inconsequential stuff. What is important is that Anna Kournikova is back on the cover and in the pages of the most recent Maxim issue, and oh yes oh my, she is looking awfully good once again…

In what might just be the greatest movie tie-in in the history of all movie tie-ins, Scarlett Johansson is offering herself up for a threesome with one lucky winner. To enter, all you have to do is email her with your best response as to why you should be the lucky bastard who gets to participate in a threesome with Scarlett Johansson and another lucky bastard (or gal — hopefully a gal). Obviously, you know what this means — a long night of wild sex in all kinds of position. With Scarlett Johansson. And a third person. Yes, that’s right. It’s — oh, who are we kidding. You’ll probably end up at the movie premiere with ScarJo and some other dude or something. But hey, one can dream, can’t one?

I’m happy to report to all the Lara Croft gamers out there that the new Lara Croft model is just as impressive as the previous ones. Yes, kids, I’m sad to say that Karima Adedibe, who you have all been fantasizing about for the last year and change, has “retired” the short-shorts and guns, and has been replaced with model Alison Carroll. Who is Carroll, you ask? I haven’t a clue, although word is she was born in the London Borough of Croydon located in England, which I’m told is where they make English cheese. Because, obviously, there is no cheese like English cheese. From England. Parts of London, to be exact. Yeah, that’s the ticket. But I digress. Alison Carroll as Lara Croft. Fantasize away, boys.

If you’re one of the dozen or so people still waiting with bated breath to see Mona Lisa Vito in something dirty and grungy (and preferably nude or thereabouts) since she burst onto the scene in her Oscar winning role in “My Cousin Vinny”, then you’re in luck, because Marisa Tomei plays a stripper in an upcoming movie called “The Wrestler”. Why should you expect more than just the usual “movie star stripper role” bullshit in “The Wrestler”? Because it’s directed by Darren Aronofsky, who convinced the gorgeous Jennifer Connelly to do “Requiem for a Dream”, where one scene had Connelly’s character engaging in the world’s hottest (and the same time, freakiest) girl-on-girl action ever captured on screen. So you know Tomei isn’t going to get off (so to speak) with playing a stripper who keeps her clothes on, despite what these promos would have you believe.

So I was catching up on the latest going ons in the world of politics last week, and a particular story caught my attention. It has Scarlett Johansson and Barack Obama dating. No, KIDDING. There was this thing about how Scarlett Johansson had sent the O-man an email expressing her support, and somehow that ended up being a story about how the two were “exchanging” emails. This is probably untrue, and someone probably got it mixed up, but I thought it would be cool if it was true. Imagine if Obama won the White House, and he’s got Scarlett Johansson on the side. Compare ScarJo to Monica, and — wow, someone’s got tastes, huh? Anyways, it’s probably bullshit anyways, whatever. Scarlett Johansson was recently on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and was kind enough to bring her rack with her. Such an accomodating gal, our ScarJo.

When you think about it, what other invention has been so good for men besides lingerie? Whoever thought up bra and panties rocks. After all, could you imagine if the girls nowadays were still walking around in those unGodly corsets? Holy cow. Picture yourself drooling to pictures of a model like Melissa Haro, for instance, wearing a corset. Not gonna happen. Now a model like Melissa Haro in bra and panties? That’s another story entirely. Why, if not for lingerie, men would be forced to find things to do with their time, and you know what happens when men have too much time on their hands. Yup, that’s how wars get started, kids. That, and lacrosse. And who needs that, really?

Now it’s not everyday that I watch the E! Channel, usually I end up watching it really late at night (usually when I’m updating this blog) and I catch The Soup, which is really funny. I mean, come on, when you’re making fun of American TV, especially Reality TV, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel, right? And The Soup shoots better than anyone out there. But anyways, every now and then I have caught Denise Richards’ Reality TV show It’s Complicated, and you know what? It doesn’t look all that complicated to me. Denise Richards spends her time going to photoshoots, doing magazine interviews, and visiting the family. Wow, real complicated there, doll. But hey, I ain’t hatin’, especially when the girl looks as good as she does in these It’s Complicated promos.

Gemma Atkinson is probably the most famous British glamour model whose name isn’t Keeley Hazell. The racktastic blonde from Bury, Greater Manchester has done it all, including an appearance in the game “Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3″, in which she played the pivotal role of Lt. Eva Mckenna, without whom the game would, like, blow up or something. Okay, so maybe it wouldn’t self-implode, but it sure would have been less sexy without Gemma Atkinson and her generous chest providing cover fire for the good guys. I think. I haven’t actually played the game, I’m just guessing here. Anyways, Gemma Atkinson in Red Alert 3 promos. Gaming rules.

What are the chances that blonde, leggy Disney Goddess Ashley Tisdale will detour into the same kind of naughtiness like fellow Disney ingenues Vanessa Hudgens, Christina Aguilera, and Britney Spears? Probably not. Of all the Disney girls, Ashley Tisdale just seems to have a better head on her shoulders. Plus, she just looks young, but she’s actually already in her ’20s, and if you haven’t gone “bad” by then, you probably never will. Which is good for her; you sort of get tired of seeing all these former good girls go terribly, terribly bad. Let’s face it, we still don’t look at Vanessa Hudgens the same way again post her infamous naked pictures hullabaloo. Am I right or am I right? Ashley Tisdale should keep on looking leggy and hot; sure, it won’t sell nearly as many records, but at least she won’t have to hide her head in shame 10 years from now.

In her new film “How to Lose Friends & Alienate People” (or as I like to call it, “The Most Unwieldy Movie Title of All Time”), the uber hot Megan Fox plays an actress name Sophie Maes who is making her movie debut with a film called “Teresa: The Making of a Saint”. As part of the movie, the filmmakers have made a faux trailer for “Teresa”, featuring Megan Fox as the world’s hottest nun, lusting after a priest, and vice versa. Failing that, she becomes the Mother Teresa we all know from the history books. You know, helping out the poor and lepers and junk. Bet you didn’t know that, huh? Here’s Megan Fox changing hearts and ruining pants as a nun, the fake trailer for “Teresa” included.

The last time we saw the surly Dr. Gregory House, he had just helped to kill his best friend’s girlfriend, Cut Throat Bitch, who had, I gotta admit, grown on me over last year’s episodes. Okay, so House didn’t actually kill her, but come on, if not for him, Amber wouldn’t have been dead. By the end of last year’s run, I was sorta feeling sorry to see her go. Alas, everyone must die, except House, of course. So Season 5 recommences with House still his surly self (probably), and Wilson (probably) still pissed off at House for not being able to save Amber. Who knows what will happen next? Probably more medical mysteries and good times with House and the gang. This show rocks. Plus, Jennifer Morrison and Olivia Wilde promos. Yum.

Now I’m not a hot chick, so I don’t know what hot chicks do when they head off to the beach in a skimpy two-piece bikini, but I’m guessing that from these pictures, Australian babe turned L.A. transplant Sophie Monk is probably wearing eyeliner. Or some sort of mascara. I don’t even know if those are the same thing, being a guy and all, and so totally hetero and what have you. Heck, her eyes may just be naturally dark that way. Anyways, not that I mind, or care to find out, or even investigate further. We’re talking about the gorgeous Sophie Monk in bikini wear strutting her stuff on the beaches of California. What, we’re gonna spend all our time wondering what she’s wearing around her eyes? Are you friggin’ nuts? Please to ogle.

Our Brit Babe of the Day, Suzanne Shaw, is a real renaissance woman. At just 27, the blonde hottie probably does more in a morning than I do all week. Here’s Wikipedia with a quick rundown of her oeuvre: “She is most famous for winning the talent contest Popstars and so subsequently being a member of the band Hear’Say. She is now an established Musical Theatre performer and presents a live gameshow, Bingolotto, on Virgin 1 and Challenge every Friday night. She is also the winner of series 3 of the ITV1 program Dancing on Ice.” She’s also apparently the spokeswoman for a whole line of lingerie, and is currently playing Roxie Hart in the Brit version of “Chicago”. Damn. And I thought taking out the trash was a big deal.

I’ve always been a fan of Joanna Krupa, ever since she first showed up on TV as a Juggie on The Man Show. She didn’t really fit; Joanna always looked smarter than your average big-breasted model looking for a TV gig until something better came along. But then again, I’ve always been partial to all things Polish, including Polish sausages, Polish clothes, Polish love poems, and heck, every now and then, I’ve even been known to indulge in Polish knitting. If you haven’t knitted Polish style, you haven’t lived, my son. Where was I? Oh right, Joanna Krupa is in the September issue of Maxim German. Now normally I would tell Joanna to run, as the Poles have never had much good luck with the Germans, but I think we’ll both make exceptions just this one.

We’ve already chronicled the rise of Natalie Martinez, who will be co-starring in the upcoming “Death Race” movie remake from that mountain town called Hollywood. I have no idea if the movie will catch on, or if Natalie Martinez will be able to parlay that role into an actual movie career, but you gotta start somewhere, right? And if Jason Statham’s bald head doesn’t do it for you, Natalie Martinez’s tight abs should just about do it. I’m guessing that Natalie Martinez plays the female lead in the movie, but since this is a dude movie (i.e. cars, guns, prison sodomy, etc), a female lead is usually just the hottest chick in the movie who is actually a chick and not, you know, a dude with braces. Anyways, Natalie Martinez in “Death Race” promos.

When you’ve been on every runway in the world and has graced the pages of Sports Illustrated’s world famous swimsuit issue and Victoria’s Secrets skimpy-ish catalogs, isn’t showing up in a lad’s magazine like Ralph kind of taking a step backwards in one’s career? I don’t know, I really can’t figure the politics of lad’s magazines; that’s the kind of stuff for men greater than I. But what about Miranda Kerr’s latest bikini-clad appearance in a magazine? Oh yes, we’re definitely feeling the Aussie heat, and then some. The woman is fabulously hot, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she knocks off Marisa Miller for the SI Swimsuit Issue cover in 2009. She’s got the makings of something special, I’m telling you. Now if she’ll only return my phone calls…

It’s funny, but despite having J.J. Abrams’ name attach to the project, I’m really not hearing all that much about FOX’s new X-Files-wannabe show, Fringe. The show stars Australian actress Anna Torv in her American debut, and I’m not sure if it’ll do very good business in terms of viewership. I’m just not hearing a whole lot of stuff about the show, or at least, not as much as I’m hearing about Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse, for instance. But hey, no one heard about Alias before it came on the air, either, and that went on for a pretty long time. Maybe it’ll happen to Fringe, too. Here are some promos from the show with its female lead, Anna Torv.

According to all the extensive research I’ve done on Giada De Laurentiis (and of course by “extensive research” I mean I went on Wikipedia and read her entry), the Italian American cooking Goddess is the host of a number of TV shows on the Food Network (which must be, what, like working in porn for a really, really horny kid?), including Everyday Italian, Behind the Bash, Giada’s Weekend Getaways, and Giada in Paradise. Now I don’t know if she actually hosts all of them at the same time, but if she did, wow, that’s pretty impressive. I can’t even tie my shoelaces and think about hot girls at the same time, and Giada can host four shows at once? Man, where do all these chicks get the energy, and where can I get me some? (Those comic book collection don’t alphabetically sort themselves, you know.)

Truth be told, Teresa Moore is a hottie no matter what you put her in, or out of, as the case may be. Which reminds me: modeling is probably the only occupation where hot women voluntarily take their clothes off in front of ugly men who then can’t touch them, but can tell them what to do. And if that last statement actually makes any bit of sense to you, then you definitely need to get out of your attic more, because there is nothing worst than a mind that spends too much time in the attic. So what was I saying? Oh right. Teresa Moore is a really hot lingerie model, and she just happens to be wearing some lingerie in these photos. Please to ogle.

Oh come on, you know you’ve been dying to see this ever since you heard that Victoria’s Secret had a supermodel who was claiming to be a virgin, and was saving herself for marriage. Whether that is true or not, we’ll never know, but you know what we can be sure of? Just the sight of Adriana Lima holding a pair of bra in front of her is pretty damn sexy. I don’t know if it’s sexier than seeing, say, Adriana Lima without her bra and standing in front of you in your basement, but it’s pretty damn close. I’d call it a close second. Anyways, here’s Adriana Lima at a Victoria’s Secret department store promoting a pair of bras. Wow. I want me some bras. With Adriana Lima in it. Or out. Either/or.