Random Foreign Babe of the Day: Joyce Van Nimmen
So what exactly do I know about Joyce Van Nimmen that I can justify putting her in the Random Foreign Babe of the Day column? I’ll tell you what, boys, the things I know about Joyce Van Nimmen, I could fill a whole book. If by “book” you mean one of those pamphlets someone stuffs into your car’s windshield when you park it and run into the store for a can of coke, come out and see it, and you go, “Dude, someone shove a frakkin’ pamphlet into my windshield! Now that just sucks!” That kind of pamphlet. Which is to say, I don’t know anything about Joyce Van Nimmen, except that she may or may not be Belgium, because at one point she showed up in the Belgium version of Maxim Magazine. Aside from that? The girl is smoking hot, and let’s just go with that.
MMA Hottie Kyra Gracie
What’s the best indication of a mixed martial artist’s hotness? For one, if you don’t mind if she kicks your ass, just as long as you get to touch hers every now and then, than yeah, I’m gonna say that she’s a pretty hot girl. And Kyra Gracie, yet another in the long line of Gracies, aka the First Family of MMA, definitely fits that mode. The girl’s hot a rock hard body and, from the videos that I’ve seen, the skills to show off. Personally I’d have liked a better selection of pictures, but as the saying goes, beggars can’t be choosers. And anyways, what’s hotter than a hot girl in a, “I can sooo kick your ass” pose? You gotta love those Gracies.
Patricia Heaton Returns in Full Glory
In case you’ve been living under Rosie O’Donnell for the last year and change and haven’t had access to a TV set, Patricia Heaton is making her return to TV with a new show called Back to You. It co-stars that guy from Frasier and Cheers, and is set in a TV station. So you know what that means — it’s time to be seen. Now granted, Patricia Heaton being the big TV star that she is, she probably would have shown up at the Emmys anyway, but when you have a show to promote, it helps to be seen as much as possible to get people used to you coming back on TV. From what I hear, Back to You looks to be the funniest show of the new season. Let’s hope it lasts, because TV without a daily dose of Patricia Heaton just ain’t TV.
What TV Commercials Have Taught Me: Hot Sex with Hot Chicks Are Easy
This is a daily column that I plan to add to every time I see something on TV that fits. To start things off, let’s talk about how to get hot chicks to have hot sex with you. How, you ask, will I achieve such a fantastic thing, and how many limbs will it cost me? Easy, chumps, and it won’t cost you a thing. Or at least, none of your limbs. All you need is the right pants. Or shirt. Or underarm deodorant. Or in some cases, the right gum brand will do just fine. You needn’t even bother looking for the hot chick. Just slap on that right pants, or shirt, or deodorant, or pop in that gum, and the hot girl with supermodel good looks and perfect body will just show up out of the blue and jump you. Seriously, if TV commercials have taught me anything, anyone can get laid as long as they buy the right products.
CHA-CHING! Lauren Graham Inks TV Deal
It would appear that the NBC Network has won the Lauren Graham lottery, inking the former Gilmore Girls star to a development deal with the network for a cool 7-figure deal, which Variety says is one of the richest of the year. (Can you say, CHA-CHING?) Now the trick will be to get Lauren Graham with some writers and producers and hatch a show that will be just as big a hit as Gilmore Girls, which, I hate to say it, the odds are against. Let’s face it, you can count only one person out of the Seinfeld cast that managed a hit show post-Seinfeld, and it ain’t Kramer. I wish Lauren Graham luck; she seems like a genuinely great person, and it would be nice to see her on TV again, preferably on something not so, well, chick-heavy.
Brit Babe Invasion: Alesha Dixon
Speaking of hot British girls showing up on Strictly Come Dancing, one of them is Alesha Dixon, who I have finally found out about. She’s a former member of the Brit Girl Band Mis-Teeq, and is known primarily by her first name, Alesha. You know, sort of like Madonna, except Alesha is actually British and not a pretentious hag with delusions of being British. So tune into Strictly Come Dancing if you can, because besides Kelly Brook, you now have a second hottie to ogle, and her name is Alesha Dixon. Now if they’ll only add Elizabeth Hurley to the mix…
Picture of the Day: Megan Fox
Transformers star Megan Fox is such a fox (har har, I bet you saw that coming, right?) that any picture of her could qualify as a “Picture of the Day” entry. But this picture in particular took my breath away. I don’t know if it’s the couch, the lingerie, or the pose — or maybe it’s all those things added together for one hot looking picture. Or maybe it’s just the woman herself, and she could be covered in mud and it would still qualify as a Picture of the Day. Take a look at Megan Fox at her finest and tell me you aren’t having all kinds of dirty thoughts. Spread em, baby, spread em…
Kelly Brook Strictly Come Dancing Promos
Tired of being known as just another pretty face on magazine covers and her bestselling calendars, and dancing Billy Zane, Kelly Brook is going to now try her hand at dancing in the TV show Strictly Come Dancing, which is the UK version of Dancing with the Stars. Or, actually, Strictly came first, and was imported to the U.S. Kelly will be joining this year’s show with other notables like — well, actually, Kelly is the only notable, at least to us. I’ve scan the list and the only name I even recognize is Kelly’s, so there you go. Hey, one hot chick on a TV show isn’t bad, considering it’s — gasp — a frakkin’ dance show.
Florida Student Gets Tasered at John Kerry Town Hall Meeting
This is great. Finally something happens at a John Kerry event that I can get behind. So what’s going on here? Well some University of Florida student (Andrew Meyer, 21) gets way over his head talking to John Kerry, who is on stage, about Bush stealing the election before going on to accuse Kerry of being co-conspirators with Bush (or something like that). Basically, the kid is out of his mind and is spitting out crap he heard from some book he read and being the stereotypical college student mush head that he is, he took what he was told and ran with it like it was the God’s Honest Truth and Nothing Will Change His Mind. And oh yeah, he gets tasered, all the while screaming about wanting someone to do something to save him. Here’s my favorite line: “Don’t tase me bro! Don’t tase me!” It made me laugh my ass off.
Smallville’s Laura Vandervoort in Stuff
In case you haven’t been watching TV, or aren’t into “genre” TV stuff, but Smallville is getting a new star — Laura Vandervoort, who will be playing Clark Kent’s Kryptonian cousin, Kara, aka Supergirl. And yes, she’ll be able to fly, something Clark still can’t get a handle on, 6 years later. The guy is a slow learner, what can I say. Adding the gorgeous Canadian beauty Laura Vandervoort is obviously an attempt by the show’s creators to boost the show’s flagging ratings, but can you blame them? And do you care? I know I don’t! Good work, guys, keep it up! Now here’s Laura Vandervoort, aka Supergirl, in Stuff Magazine showing off her big chest — er, I mean, “S”.
Jamie Pressly Back in Arena
The last time Jamie Pressly showed up in Arena magazine, it was a wowser of a spread. I can’t say if this latest spread matches that wow level, but it’s not bad. Then again, Jamie Pressly is such a hot number you really do expect a better set of pictures than this. I’m a little disappointed, now that I think about it, and can’t quite get rid of that “I’ve been gypped” feeling. Then again, maybe I’m just too demanding, but Arena Magazine has always been so good with sexy spreads, that I guess I just expect more from them. I still like this, though.
Hollyoaks Babes Jennifer Metcalfe and Roxanne McKee
I don’t know what exactly Hollyoaks babes Jennifer Metcalfe and Roxanne McKee are doing in these pictures, but in any language watching two hot women (one wearing a two-piece bikini, no less!) is nothing less than perfect wet fantasy material. I’ve started watching the Hollyoaks TV show on BBC America, and I have to say that I never saw anything this hot on the show, despite the show’s bevy of beauties and their propensity for, shall we say, take off their clothes at the drop of a hat. God Bless the Brits and their TV show sensibilities. Too bad we don’t have an American counterpart except for that awful Desperate Housewives, which is really, well, awful. Anyways, enjoy Jennifer Metcalfe and Roxanne McKee having fun with a water gun. I am.
Mary Kate Olsen in Weeds Promos
Mary Kate Olsen is trying to shed her girly image by guest starring on an episode of Showtime’s Weeds, a show about a suburban housewife played by Mary Louise Parker who sells weeds on the side. Or maybe she’s made a career out of it by now. I know that she show started with Parker selling on the side. Or maybe I was wrong from the very beginning. Eh, who cares. Anyways, tune in when Mary Kate Olsen sheds her good girl image for a little Mary Jane in the upcoming new season of Weeds. You’ll notice that sister Ashley is no where to be seen in these promos from the show. I guess Ash isn’t a fan of the J. The girl doesn’t know what she’s missing.
Sally Fields’ Potty Mouth Gets Her Censored by Fox
Knee-jerk Liberals around the world are all afluttered and falling over themselves to call FOX’s censoring of Sally Fields’ acceptance speech at Sunday’s Emmy Awards as part of a Vast Global Right Wing Conspiracy by the Evil Fox Network. Fear not, kids, the studio didn’t censor Fields because she mouthed off about the Iraq War (in fact, you can hear ALL her war comments in the “live” telecast), but in fact they censored her when she used the word “Goddamn”, which is a big no-no on American TV for some unGodly reason. (It’s stupid, I know, but it explains the censoring.) Here is what Fox censored and a version of the broadcast not censored. Judge for yourself.
Celebrity Cleavage: Marisol Nichols
Our celebrity cleavage for today is Marisol Nichols, who you may recognize as Nadia on the last season of FOX’s aging action-adventure TV show “24″. Since Marisol’s character survived last season, a rare occasion since the producers seemed to be killing people off left and right — it sucks to work for CTU Los Angeles, apparently — we can only hope that Nadia will make a return appearance and finally slip out of that uptight power suit they had her wearing throughout the year. Of course there’s no guarantee, we are talking about “24″ here after all, where everyone except Jack Bauer gets it sooner or later. But if Marisol Nichols shows this picture around, I’m willing to bet Nadia will get a chance to climb out of her suit on the show.
It’s Always Sunny when Kaitlin Olson is Around
I can’t believe how sexy Kaitlin Olson looks in all those goofy “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” TV commercials that I’ve seen, and I’m not even sure if she’s supposed to be sexy in them, but God help us, she is. The show itself is on the FX Channel (basic cable, for those of you not in the know), and is described as such: “Four young friends with big egos and slightly arrogant attitudes are the proprietors of an Irish bar in Philadelphia.” The cast is made up of mostly unknowns, except for Danny DeVito, who plays the short guy on the show. Heh heh. Just kidding. Anyways, tune in for Kaitlin Olson. I think you’ll agree that the woman has a very odd sexual pull about her that is hard to described.
Jennifer Garner Wet in Marie Claire
You know the funny thing about Jennifer Garner? I’m crazy about her nowadays, but back in the day, when she first emerged on the scene via the Alias TV show, I wasn’t sold on her, as an actress, sex symbol, or an action star. And now? Dude, I’m sold on Jennifer Garner like Britney Spears is sold on the whole trailer trash to the extreme bit. Which is to say, there’s little Jennifer Garner can do that I’m not gaggle over, including this new spread in Marie Claire, where she takes a dip in a pool and comes out looking breathtaking. The woman is so gorgeous that the idea she got knocked up by Ben Affleck drives me insane.
Ali Larter is Red Hot at the Emmys
It must be good news and bad news for Ali Larter. The good news is that she’s on a hit TV show, which allows her to do movies on the side; but on the bad news, everyone is focusing on Hayden Panettiere as the token hot girl on “Heroes”, when for my money you can’t go wrong with ogling Ali Larter. Here she is at the Emmy Awards red carpet that was held on Sunday. Heroes lost to The Sopranos, as everyone knew it would on the show, in case you didn’t know. Too bad there wasn’t a separate category for “Hottest Girl at the Emmys”, because Ali Larter would have won in a walk.
The Girls of Dexter Jennifer Carpenter, Julie Benz, and Jaime Murray
If you haven’t been watching Showtime Channel’s original series Dexter, then you are missing out. It’s a killer show (literally) and it has a killer premise. Basically, it’s about a police crime scenes forensics guy who moonlights as a serial killer. But get this: he knows he’s a killer, but he ONLY KILLS BAD GUYS. Basically, he finds the evidence, finds out who did the killing, and then he kills the culprit. A serial killer of serial killers! And oh yeah, the girls on the show are hot. Check out some promos of Jennifer Carpenter, Julie Benz, and Jaime Murray, with the British beauty Murray joining the show’s latest season. Be there or be square. Or Dexter will come over and stick an ice pick in your ear.
Jennifer Ellison Bikini Pictures
Leave it to Jennifer Ellison, British glamour model extraordinaire, to slip on a bikini top covered in what looks like rocks (or are those fake crystals? either/or) instead of the usual flimsy bikini fabric. Now mind you, I could go on for the flimsy look, as it, well, is really flimsy and there are more than a little opportunity for some nip slip or something similar. Basically, the potential for accidental nudity is great, and really, isn’t that what all men live for? To see a hot woman accidentally expose herself when she least expects it? Oh yes. Where was I? Oh right, here are some Jennifer Ellison bikini pictures. The woman is gorgeous, to be sure, and what a body.
