Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Upton is Hot
Sure, sure, so Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton isn’t exactly the brightest bulb in the bunch. In fact, she’s so NOT bright that she’s probably not the brightest bulb on the shelf. But nevermind all that. Brains are nice, but brains aren’t necessary to land yourself on the Random Page, where Miss Teen South Carolina Lauren Caitlin Upton certainly has, and yeah, that flubbing of her question has something to do with it, but we just appreciate her for her full BODY of work, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. (Gratuitous bikini pictures included, of course.)
Meet the Newest Hero Dania Ramirez
NBC already has a massive hit show on their hands with “Heroes”, but the show is just about to get even hotter — and I’m not talking about the hit keeping on coming, I mean when Dania Ramirez joins the cast, the show is gonna get HOOOOOOT. It’s about time the show had a Latina Hottie to mix things up. I love Ali Larter and Hayden Panettiere just fine, but come on, it’s about time we get a super Latina babe to add a little “color”, if you will, to the show. And here’s hoping that Dania Ramirez will last more than a few episodes, and actually becomes a regular. Why? Reason #1: Dania Ramirez is a major babe. Reason #2: See reason #1.
Maria Sharapova is Red Hot at the U.S. Open
And here I thought players weren’t allowed to wear anything other than a lame drab white wardrobe when they were on the tennis court. That must have been a Wimbledon thing, oh well. Anyways, Maria Sharapova was looking red hot (literally) on the court of the U.S. Open last Tuesday, when she took only a measly 50 minutes to take out her opponent, Roberta Vinci of Italy 6-0, 6-1. The second-seeded Maria Shrapova, who won the U.S. Open last year, now heads into the second round to await her next victim — er, I mean, opponent. Is there any doubt Maria is going to take her second U.S. Open crown in a roll? And if she doesn’t, hey, we should just give her one anyway, but maybe that’s just me.
Brit Babe Invasion: Melanie Sykes
According to Wikipedia, our Brit Babe of the Day, Melanie Sykes, was born to a Anglo-Burmese/Anglo-Indian mother in Mossley, Lancashire), but she’s all smoking hotness to us. Melanie first came to the public’s attention as the bikini-clad model for the Boddingtons beer ads, but she’s since parlayed that into stints on “Melanie Sykes’ Southall stories”, a documentary for BBC2 on Asian culture in Great Britain. Since then, she’s done TV stints on shows like The Vault, Celebrities Under Pressure, National Television Awards Party of the Year, and the British Soap Awards, and for a time even hosted her own show, “Today with Des and Mel”. We don’t know what she’s doing now, but may we suggest a hosting gig on American TV? We’re always looking for a hot Brit with that sexy accent over here…
Killer Alien Beauty Helena Mattsson
If you don’t know the name Helena Mattsson, then you probably will in a few months, when her first real starring role in “Species 4: The Awakening” is released to an unsuspecting populace. The movie is, obviously, the fourth installment in the popular “Species” sci-fi/horror franchise, and Helena Mattsson is the star of the whole she-bang. And judging by some of the pictures from the movie that I have seen, including the cover of the upcoming DVD (released sometime in October), Helena Mattsson is going to be the main draw to the movie. And why not? The Swedish hottie is certainly worth being drawn to, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
Hilary Swank Bikini Pictures
Oh sure, you can go on and on about how Hilary Swank is not the prototypical Hollywood starlet, but you’ll be pressed to find a better actress working in Hollywood today. (And yes, I will even forgive her for the miserably idiotic “Freedom Writers”, aka “White Woman Saves Black Kids Again”.) She’s won two Oscars, and in the last few years, she’s been working hard to overhaul her image, and the results? A sexier, hotter Hilary Swank. Okay, so maybe “hotter” might not be correct, but Hilary has definitely gotten a lot sexier than before. Check out these bikini pictures of the two-time Oscar winner (with some fat guy) on the beach. What a body. Am I right or am I right? Hilary Swank has got it going ON.
Celebrity Cleavage: Alyssa Milano
The last time we saw Alyssa Milano, she was playing a witch on the TV show “Charmed”, but after the show got canned, Alyssa Milano ended up, well, somewhere. She’s coming out with a new movie, the horror “Pathology”, which stars that guy from “Heroes”. It’s about a group of young hotshot med students who decide to commit the perfect murder. Bad things happen and hopefully Alyssa Milano ends with most of her clothes on the floor. If, you know, that makes sense in the context of the movie’s story. Oh who are we kidding — we don’t care if it makes sense or not! Ahem. Anyways, some celebrity cleavage courtesy of Alyssa Milano.
Lindsay Lohan in Zoo Magazine
For a troubled starlet who is supposed to be in rehab and (supposedly) getting her life back together, it’s amazing how many magazine covers and magazines around the world Lindsay Lohan manages to get in the last few days. One site which I don’t remember chronicled the amazing number of magazines Lindsay has posed for in the last few days. Here she is in Germany’s Zoo Magazine; I don’t know if it’s an old spread that was recycled or what, but it sure looks pretty damn good, and looking at these pictures, you sort of don’t want Lindsay Lohan to rehab anything about her. Then again, this is Hollywood “rehab” we’re talking about, so it’s not like it’s real or anything…
Dumbest Beauty Pageant … EVER?
Is Carolina Lauren Caitlin, aka Miss Teen South Carolina, quite possibly the dumbest beauty pageant…EVER? Quite possibly. What makes it doubly worst is that the contestants KNEW the questions ahead of time. Sure, they probably didn’t know the EXACT questions, but they knew what kind of questions they would get, and one presumes they would have practiced their answers ahead of time, this whole beauty pageant “thing” being the only thing they do all day long. Am I right or am I right? In any case, here’s Carolina Lauren Caitlin, South Carolina’s dumbest beauty pageant, answering a question about maps and that geography stuff. Oh…my…GOD.
Maggie Q. in Balls of Fury
I’ll grant you that the premise for “Balls of Fury” is really, really stupid. Consider this plot synopsis: “Down-and-out former professional ping-pong phenom, Randy Daytona (Fogler), is sucked into a maelstrom when FBI Agent Ernie Rodriguez (Lopez) recruits him for a secret mission. Randy is determined to bounce back and win, and to smoke out his father’s killer — arch-fiend Feng (Walken).” I mean, come ON! Anyways, it does star Maggie Q., coming on strong after roles in “Live Free or Die Hard” and “Mission Impossible III”. And yes, I love the outfit she’s required to wear in this movie. Dammmmmn! Check out some promos of Maggie Q. in “Balls of Fury”. Nice, no?
Latin Flavor: Alicia Machado
Former Miss Universe Alicia Machado won her crown in 1996 when the pageant was held in Vegas, so it’s a wonder she managed to ever leave the States and return to her native Venezuela. And here I thought whenever someone goes to Vegas they never leave. You know, sort of like the roach motel. But I digress. After winning her crown, Alicia became a TV commercial model and even got engaged to baseball player Bobby Abreu. Although she’s originally from and made her fame in Venezuela, Alicia has moved to Mexico, where she became the first former Miss Universe to pose in Playboy Magazine. Or the Mexican edition, anyway. The ORIGINAL beauty queen gone bad, if you will.
Italian Spice with Cristiana Capotondi
In all my travels around the world (which is to say, I’ve never left my trailer park home, which is really weird, because I don’t even own a trailer park), I’ve often found myself watching and loving Italian TV. Of course, it’s through Italian TV that I first saw Cristiana Capotondi, who plays Aurora Obrofari on “Orgoglio”. And of course by saying that I “saw” Cristiana on Italian TV, what I really mean is, I’ve never seen Cristiana on TV, or even anything close to Italian TV, but I just wanted to look like a bigshot by saying that. Ahem. Grab a piece of Cristiana Capotondi and enjoy your Monday.
Amerie in Maxim
Amerie, aka Amerie Mi Marie Rogers, is yet another one-name-only R&B diva/pop singer who has broken free from the realm of hip hop to launch their own solo careers. And like most of the R&B divas out there, such as Rihanna, Cassie, et al, I’ve never heard any of Amerie’s singles, but that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the girl for her good looks. And hey, if it DOES mean I can’t appreciate her good looks, then whatEVA, I don’t care, I’m gonna appreciate her anyways. Sucka! Where was I? Oh right, here’s Amerie in Maxim Magazine. I like what I see, and I’d like to see more, please?
Fearne Cotton Returns
True story: I was traveling through America one time in a Winnebago when I ran across this girl who works at a gas station name Fearne Cotton, who had dropped out of high school when she thought she was going to be a model. As it turned out, the modeling gig didn’t work out, and Fearne ended up back home in Georgia (come on, you knew a girl name Fearne Cotton had to come from Georgia, right?), where she found work at the gas station. Well, okay, that story was bullshit, and I never meat any such girl name Fearne Cotton. In fact, I don’t even own a Winnebago, and if I did, I’d shoot myself out of self-pity. The point of this story is, um, Fearne Cotton, the TV chick from England, is hot, and go with it.
Diora Baird in Young People F*cking
You can pretty much call your movie anything you want, from “Where’s Waldo” to “Waldo is at Home Eating a Cheeseburger”, but why in the world would you call your movie “Young People F*cking” (minus the censoring)? That’s just begging for your movie, based purely on the title, to be censored and banned from potential customer base. But hey, I’m not a filmmaker (or Canadian, which the filmmakers of this movie are) so what do I know? The film is described as: “…a smart and fast-paced comedy that intertwines the stories of 5 couples over the course of one sexual encounter. As the couples attempt to have some seemingly straight forward sex, they run into all sorts of problems.” It stars Diora Baird, who, one presumes, can be seen in various stages of half-dress (or undress) in the film.
Emmy Rossum Makes Beautiful Music
Talk about women looking incredible in red dresses, here’s the always lovely Emmy Rossum on the set of her music video. Yes, you read that right. On the set of HER music video. And don’t think our girl can’t sing, either, you bums. She’s proven that she has pipes to reckon with in “The Phantom of the Opera”, after which she got a bunch of record offers. Now she’s ready to come out with her debut album. Emmy says about her music: “It’s pop music, but not Britney Spears bubblegum pop. I want it to have a David Gray or Annie Lennox feel. I’ve been spending up to 12 hours a day in the studio.” Ooooh, hard worker. Hot, hot hard worker.
Family Guy 300 Trailer Parody
There’s South Park and then there’s Family Guy. The former is just a little bit (okay, a LOT) smarter than the latter, but the latter has its charms, too, and in its own way, it’s quite the clever little scamp. There was an episode a few years back where South Park ripped Family Guy a new one for being a one-trick pony — basically, every Family Guy episode is a series of lame narrative plot filled with completley off-center drive-by gags that usually begins with, “Remember the time when …” Yeah, it’s kind of lame, but it’s still great fun. Anyways, some clever kid put the trailer for the movie 300 to scenes from Family Guy, and I have to say, the results are pretty cool. I especially love the Hitler inspiration for the Leonidas speech. Priceless!
Maria Sharapova U.S. Open Nike Ads
In case you’ve been living under a rock (or maybe you don’t own a TV set, you know, them fancy idiot tubes?), you already know that the U.S. Open is about to begin soon in New York. (Just don’t ask me when, because frankly, I don’t know.) Ahead of that major event in sports (people still watches tennis, right?), Maria Sharapova and her sponsors, Nike, are launching new ad campaigns. One of those is this Nike photoshoot with Maria Sharapova somewhere overlooking New York dressed in a bright red outfit that she would never be allowed to wear on the court, which is a damn shame, as all that white on the tennis court is just dull. Watch the U.S. Open when it starts (whenever that is), or maybe don’t. It’s your life.
Brit Babe Invasion: Nicola Tappenden
Can you imagine seeing a nearly topless model in the pages of the New York Times? Or, hey, how about even the National Inquirer? The Brits figured out a way to do that Across the Pond — okay, so maybe just The Sun figured out a way to do that — namely their Page 3 girls. Nicola Tappenden is one of those girls, otherwise known as Nicole T. in her spreads for Page 3. The Bromley, London native began modeling topless for Page 3 when she was 18, which, I think, sort of makes her one of the older girls. Don’t the Brit girls start doing the Page 3 stuff waaaaaaay before their 20s? Anyhoo, Nicola Tappenden is yet another reason why the Brits’ version of newspapers rule, even if they are just tabloids.
Rachel Nichols Wows in Red
So what’s hotter than a hot woman who knows she has it going on every which way that matters? Basically, nothing. And make no mistake about it, Rachel Nichols attending the premiere of her new movie “Resurrection of the Champ” knows damn well that there’s nothing on that red carpet that looks as good as she does at the moment, and you know what? She’s right! I haven’t seen a woman work the red carpet the way Rachel Nichols is working this one. Seriously, folks, when a sexy woman realizes she’s damn sexy and there’s no one who can touch her, is there anything better? I submit to you — NO!
