The Random Stuff of Interests Page

It’s been a while since we last heard from German TV personality, hostess, actress, model, and in her spare time, defeater of terrorist scum Jennifer Sebnem Schaefer, or as she’s known to her friends, Jen Seb Schaf. No, really. Um, but perhaps not. Which reminds me of a story — which I would take this opportunity to tell you, except I sort of forgot the important details, and when you’re telling a story, what’s the point if you don’t recall the details? Exactly. What was I saying? Oh right, German babe Jennifer Sebnem Schaefer is back, and she’s looking as good as ever. What is it about a hot girl with a gun…?

Remember that time when Janet Jackson was looking really good, so good that she showed a boob during the Superbowl? You gotta be pretty hot, and feeling pretty hot, to pull something like that. Then, do you remember when Janet Jackson stopped being hot, and just got really, really fat? Well that was then, and this is now, and now Janet Jackson is looking good again. Or maybe this is an old photoshoot. Either way, the body is tight again, the abs are getting flat again, and those boobies (fake? not fake? who knows and who cares) are looking glorious again. Remember when Janet Jackson was hot, then not hot, and then hot again?

It’s tough enough being another in a long line of tennis phenoms with killer looks and a killer backhand to come out of Russia, but now Anna Chakvetadze can add burglary victim to her list of things NOT to do. News reports have the 21-year old Russian star (she ranked as high as No. 6 and was a U.S. Open semifinalist in 2007) tied up by masked robbers who broke into her Moscow home Tuesday and stole money and goods worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, says the AP. Now I may be jumping to conclusions, but I would look at the butler. Aren’t they always in cahoots with the thieves when it comes to this sort of thing? Mark my words…

It’s only thirty seconds of Lost, but when you haven’t gotten lost in a while (the season 4 premiere doesn’t start until January 31st 2008), any second are precious seconds. And so, Lost fans, here is the 30-second teaser trailer for your show. “Every person on this island will be killed,” says Mister Creepy Eyes. Surprisingly, nothing from Creepy Smiling Lady, aka Elizabeth Mitchell, who in case I didn’t mention it, is really, really frakkin’ creepy looking. So the question remains: Who gets to nail Kate this time, and can they please get a mattress? Is that too much to ask?

Chalk this one up to the old adage: “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” It turns out Britney Spears isn’t the only screwed up Spears in the family, because 16-year old Jamie Lynn Spears has admitted to OK! Magazine that she’s at least 12 weeks pregnant with boyfriend Casey Aldridge’s love child. Says Spears about premarital sex: “I definitely don’t think it’s something you should do; it’s better to wait… But I can’t be judgmental because it’s a position I put myself in.” Um, yeah, good call that, Jamie Lynn. (Seriously, what is the deal with Southern people and having two first names? It’s just greedy.) So…how long before Jamie Lynn shaves her head? That’s next, right?

God Bless Reality TV. Sure, it’s full of crap and nothing on it is “real” in the least (seriously, anyone who thinks the crap that goes on in MTV’s “The Real World” is real needs to be put to sleep because we can’t allow your kind to propagate), but it has given us a lot of really hot girls that we might normally never have realized. Girls like Trista Rehn, who lost out on ABC’s The Bachelor, and immediately hopped into the pages of Maxim for this delightful spread. It worked, and Trista’s 15 minutes was expanded, landing her a couple of specials and guest spots on TV shows like According to Jim. Okay, so maybe landing a guest spot on According to Jim isn’t exactly something to brag about, but you know what I mean.

Ask anyone, and they’ll tell you — I’ve always said that Geri Halliwell, aka Ginger Spice, was my favorite on the Spice Rack. Okay, so maybe I never actually said that to anyone, but I always meant to, and really, that’s almost as good as actually saying it. Am I right or am I right? Um, probably not. In any case, more Geri Halliwell bikini pictures, because, why the hell not? Hell, you can give me Geri Halliwell in a bikini all day and I’ll never complain; Posh Spice and her stick figure and fake rack has got nothing on Ginger Spice.

Geeks, point up your geek antennaes, because the Dark Knight teaser trailer is here, and oh my frakkin’ God does it look good or does it look good? I’m so lovin’ the gritty, down-to-Earth aura Nolan is doing with this one. And the Joker? Holy crap. Heath Ledger freaks me out, man. I don’t know what kind of make-up they’re using for his face, but it looks soooooooooo creepy. Seriously, wow. Check out the trailer for the movie below. The film is due out sometime next year. Probably Summer, since this kind of movie was built for Summer. Damn it’s good!

In her recent appearance in Men’s Fitness magazine, the title is, “Grown and Gorgeous”. Okay, I agree with the second part, but since when has Rachael Leigh Cook NOT been grown? She wasn’t a child star, was she? Because if she was, I don’t recall. Rachael Leigh Cook is now twenty-eight years old, but it sure feels like she’s been around for the longest time, doesn’t it? Or maybe it’s just that blasted “your brains on drug” commercial that keeps sticking to my mind whenever I recall Rachael Leigh Cook’s name. And of course, she did do that Godawful teen movie “She’s All That”. But then again, all teen movies are Godawful to my old, crabby mind. “Get off my lawn!” Ahem.

According to her Myspace page, Australian model Erin Normoyle has been modeling since she was twelve years old. Which is pretty damn astounding, because when I was twelve, I was still trying to figure out why the toilet water goes in one direction, but not the other. And then there was that whole mystery about why girls smell good even when they don’t. But I digress. Erin Normoyle recently made FHM’s Sexiest Woman in the World list, topping off at #45. And her motto? “Ride Till I Die”. Which is a surprise, because that’s my motto, too. Except, um, I’m pretty sure she’s referring to dirt bikes, and I’m not. If you know what I mean, and I think you do. Hint hint, wink wink.

You hear that? That’s the sound of some scummy soldier intent on raping the poor, lovely flower that is Julie Benz screaming in pain as Rambo guts him from ear to ear. Yep, there is buckets and buckets of blood in the latest Rambo sequel, to just be called “Rambo”, which I guess is kinda cool. It’s like “Rocky”, except, um, “Rambo”. Hmm, what’s the deal with Sylvester Stallone in movies that starts with “R” and has 5 letter words? And check it out, both titles are the names of his characters. Coincidence? I think not! Anyhoo. “Rambo” opens January 25th, 2008, and here are some stills from it. How badass does this thing look? As badass as Rambo trying to stab you with a snake. I mean, come on, that’s hardcore! You scared yet? Julie Benz is.

“American Pie” was more than eight years ago, but it mind as well be twenty for the good it did Shannon Elizabeth’s movie career. Okay, so it basically launched her movie career, or what little she has at the moment, because without it who knows where she would be. And where is that, exactly? Um, I’m not sure. I haven’t seen a whole lot of Shannon Elizabeth in the movies lately. If she’s been in any A-list pictures, then it must have been small roles, because I haven’t heard the name “Shannon Elizabeth” anywhere besides ESPN, where she plays annually at the World Series of Poker Main Event for as long as I’ve started watching about 4-5 years ago. In any case, we like to think that Shannon Elizabeth is out there getting ready to burst back onto the scene, but perhaps we’re just too optimistic.

It’s official, boys — December is shaping up to be a bad month; first, some guy knocks up Jessica Alba, and now a nobody actor has taken Ali Larter off the market. That’s right: TV star and soon to be movie star Ali Larter said Yes when actor boyfriend Hayes MacArthur poppped the question over the weekend, reports E! Online. The two had been dating for almost two years, which is about two years longer than any of my relationships to my super hot imaginary girlfriends. So who is Hayes MacArthur? Um, he’s an actor who you’ve never heard of, which basically means he’s going to be the less famous of the couple, and that NEVER bolds well for a Hollywood marriage. Just take my word for it; when the guy is less famous (in this case, substantially less famous) than the girl, it always ends in divorce. Trust me on this one.

Hey, remember Alycia Lane? Well of course you do. She was the CBS news anchor who was recently involved in that whole “home wrecker” dispute with former ESPN and now NFL Network anchor Rich Eisen. Remember, she was the one who allegedly sent bikini pictures of herself to Eisen, only to have Eisen’s wife Suzy Shuster find them? Well she’s baaaaaack. Alycia Lane was recently arrested and appeared in court to plead not guilty to punching a female police cop in the face in Manhattan. Lane will have to make a re-appearance in court in April, at which point we’re sincerely hoping those bikini pictures of hers will show up online already. I mean, seriously, that is one fine looking newsbabe.

According to French model Alexandra Paressant, she’s Tony Parker’s girlfriend. Or at least, she slept with the Spurs point guard, who just happens to be married to Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria. True? Not true? I don’t know, and to be honest, I just wanna give Tony Parker a big “atta boy!” and high-five, because whether he was schtooping Eva Longiria and Alexandra Paressant or not, he’s most definitely schtooping Eva Longoria, and there’s a really, really hot French model saying he’s been schtooping her, too, which makes Tony Parker a God among men. Here are some pictures of Alexandra Paressant. Yeah, it doesn’t suck to be Tony Parker at all.

Kristen Bell is smart. Or at least that’s what her T-shirt tells me. And hey, when Kristen Bell is wearing a very tight T-shirt, what am I going to do, pretend I don’t notice? That’s like Charlie Sheen pretending he’s not the biggest douche bag in America. It just ain’t possible, man! But I digress. Here’s Kristen Bell modeling some shirts for some college magazine. I’m guessing NYU are the sponsors, since their name is on the shirts. And if not, hey, does it matter? You gotta dig Kristen Bell. And if you don’t, email me so I can go to your house and punch you in your nose and kick your cat. Bastard.

Say what you will about the upcoming movie “Wanted” (it’s crap, it has nothing to do with the comics, etc), but whoever made it sure knows a secret that Hollywood hasn’t always been able to grab onto. And what’s that secret, you ask? It’s this: You put Angelina Jolie in an action movie where she has her hands full of cold hard steel (i.e. guns), and you got yourself a hit on your hands. Think about it. How many hit movies have Jolie had? Not a whole lot, but the ones that have been hits have involved Jolie going around firing guns, including the Tomb Raider films and Mr. and Mrs. Smith. So you want a hit? Just make sure Angelina Jolie has her hands full of something cold and hard.

What time is it? It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Who knew something as simple as peanut butter and jelly, or as it’s known in the olden days, PBJ, could be such a viral masterwork? It went from this very simple video on YouTube to making an appearance in a Family Guy episode to entertaining sports fans at baseball games. And hey, what’s that guy in a banana costume doing on American Idol? That’s right, baby, it’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time! Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

Now I could very well take the easy route and tell you that British model Nell McAndrew is selling a new phone service or a new phone model in these pictures, but what fun is that? Instead, I’m going to tell you that Nell McAndrew is model from the future, thus explaining the futuristic looking pants. What, you’re saying silver doesn’t automatically equal futuristic? Of course it does! Haven’t you seen any Hollywood sci-fi movies? Why, the nerve of you to challenge my assertions. How dare you! Anyhoo. Nell McAndrew’s ass is futuristic. God bless the future.

Let’s face it, kids, when your parents name you “Amelia”, you better be hot. Or at least, kinda pretty. Luckily for actress Amelia Heinle from The Bold and the Beautiful, she’s not just kinda pretty, but she’s also hot, which, uh, kinda works out, and once again reinforces my theory that I’m just way too smart for my own good. Seriously, sometimes I’m just so damn smart it scares me, kind of like when a vampire sees his own reflection in the mirror, and runs to hide under the bed. Or coffin. Or whatever it is vampires use to hide. Where was I? Oh right, Young and the Restless star Amelia Heinle is just too damn pretty for daytime soaps. Someone get this woman in primetime, pronto!