Someone call the Guinness Book of World Records: Mexican director Guillermo del Toro no longer needs to sleep, eat, or have missionary sex with his wife, because he’ll have to forgo all three simple pleasures of life if he wants to direct, produce, or write all the movies he plans to be doing from now to 2017. My idea of ambition? Getting up in the morning, hopping on the Internet, and somehow, someway, not immediately surf to a porn site. Guillermo del Toro’s? Direct the “Hobbit” movies in five years, then jump onto a “Frankenstein” remake, follow that up with “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”, and oh yeah, tackle Vonnegut’s “Slaughterhouse-Five” on the side.

Variety has a long list of projects that Del Toro has committed to in one form or another, most of them with Universal Studios. So where does that leave “Hellboy 3″? Probably somewhere on the back burner, or as Del Toro jokes:

“We laid the groundwork to have a magnificent third act. I’d like to return to an action franchise with 60-year-old actor Ron Perlman, because he’ll be scratching at that age when I get to it.”

Yeah, but Ron will be wearing make-up. Who would know?

Other films on Del Toro’s slate includes either writing or producing (or possibily directing) “Drood,” a novel by Dan Simmons about the darker side of noted author Charles Dickens’ last few years; an adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s “At the Mountains of Madness”, about an ill-fated scientific expedition to Antarctica; and of course, an adaptation of David Moody’s apocalyptic novel “Hater”.

I’m looking forward to “Slaughterhouse-Five” myself, but “Haters” could be good fun. Post-apocalyptic movies make me giddy.