Hilarious and SPOILERIFIC Plot Details for The Wachowskis’ Cobalt Neural 9

Or at least this all sounds pretty hilarious to me. The Wachowskis should just change the title of their movie from “Cobalt Neural 9″ (the title apparently means nothing) to “Liberal Wish Fulfillment Movie”, since it apparently includes everything from the Evils of the Iraq War, Taboo Gay Sex, and a plot to murder former Prez George W. Bush, the eeeeeeeeeevil mastermind behind all the evils of the world. (Who also happens to be the dumbest man alive, natch.)

The boys at Vulture got their hands on the plot of “CN9″, and it goes something like this (WARNING: SPOILERS!):

Secondly, part of the film takes place in the future all right — nearly a hundred from now. But its main story is told in Cloverfield-esque flashbacks by digital archeologists sorting through “found footage” from CNN and chips from old digital cameras from the U.S. occupation of Iraq. The heroes are indeed a gay American soldier named (with little irony) “Butch” and an Iraqi soldier turned militant. Butch is endearing, young, and a ravishingly handsome Marine. Our spies tell us that he “just wants to fuck and kill everything” in Iraq — until, that is, he falls in love with the Iraqi.

The two meet while Butch is on a combat patrol in Iraq during the second Gulf War, and soon enough, the two are engaged in graphically described sex (actual line from the script: “They rut like animals behind this fence”) albeit while disguised in burqas. The two soldiers’ relationship blossoms, and Butch begins to get to know his lover’s family. But after he inadvertently draws attention to their ancestral home, disaster strikes. This tragedy radicalizes the pair and they become convinced that the only way to rid the world of evil is to kill the architect of the invasion, the then-president of the United States, George W. Bush. And so, during one of the president’s secret sorties to Iraq, they attempt to assassinate him.

The film will apparently cost the Wachowskis a cool $20 million, since they’ll probably end up paying for it themselves because I doubt any studio, even those in Hollywood, would be dumb enough to write them a free check since the chances of this thing making any profit is nil to no fucking way.

Then again, word is the Wachowskis still have plenty of dough from their three “Matrix” movies, so it’s looking increasingly likely that this little fantasy fulfillment of theirs ain’t going to come cheap. If they’re willing to pay for the movie out of their own pocket, I say more power to them.

'Wait, what? So one of the Wachowski Brothers is now a girl? How does that work again?'



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Editor/Writer at BeyondHollywood.com. Likes: long walks on the beach and Kevin Costner post-apocalyptic movies. Dislikes: 3D, shaky cam, and shaky cam in 3D. Got a site issue? Wanna submit Movie/TV news? Or to email me in regards to anything on the site, you can do so at nix (at) beyondhollywood.com.

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  • Anonymous

    Problem is that the Wachowski’s aren’t anywhere near talented enough to make an effective gay romantic drama marrying traditional concepts of manhood with The Gay Thing, and they have nowhere near the money to go batshit crazy on visuals as in the case of “Speed Racer” and “The Matrix” Trilogy.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/BZBUOXY42MWKDTFMTQIXVNUB24 Dominique

    Ok, so we go from directing “BOUND”, “THE MATRIX TRILOGY” and “SPEED RACER” (which wasn’t really that bad) and producing “V FOR VENDETTA” and “NINJA ASSASSIN” to……….this? Ever since Larry Wachowski went all Amanda Lepore on us the (brothers?) have been talkin’ crazy talk. I hope after they get this little pet project out of the way they get back to business. I’d hate for them to be known forever as “Those guys who did The Matrix”……

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/BZBUOXY42MWKDTFMTQIXVNUB24 Dominique

    Ok, so we go from directing “BOUND”, “THE MATRIX TRILOGY” and “SPEED RACER” (which wasn’t really that bad) and producing “V FOR VENDETTA” and “NINJA ASSASSIN” to……….this? Ever since Larry Wachowski went all Amanda Lepore on us the (brothers?) have been talkin’ crazy talk. I hope after they get this little pet project out of the way they get back to business. I’d hate for them to be known forever as “Those guys who did The Matrix”……

    • http://www.originalgeekspodcast.com/ Dedpool aka Jiinx

      I am in agree about “Speed Racer” it was what it was, a live action cartoon. Not everything can be made to be completely serious, besides it was for kids. The race scnes were awesome. As for this film, I’ll be skipping it. Thanks. LoL.