Horror’s 10 Sexiest Bloodsuckers of the Night

Featured, Featured Movie Articles, Horror Movie News — By Nix on March 22, 2009 |

Vampires are probably the only undead creatures of the night that we don’t immediately run away from. To be sure, there’s nothing good about getting bitten and turned into a bloodsucking creature, but it sure helps that a lot of the vampires that have appeared in the movies and on TV have been of the hot looking variety. And since vampires only exist in the movies, we have absolutely no problems assuming that all vampires are indeed as sexy and inviting as the women on our list of Horror’s 10 Sexiest Bloodsuckers of the Night, aka Vampires.

So cover up your necks, take your vampire infection medicine, and let’s get down to our top ten list, starting with #10…

#10. Angie Everhart (”Bordello of Blood”)

I don’t remember a whole lot of things from the “Tales from the Crypt” movie “Bordello of Blood”, but I do remember that towards the end, Angie Everhart, who plays vampire Lilith, takes a bite out of co-star Erika Eleniak, and all was right with the world. Other than that, the movie also starred comedian Dennis Miller in what is probably his only starring role that I know of. Plus, one of the Corey guys. I don’t remember which one it was, and at this point, does it matter? The one thing that puts Angie Everhart’s vampire on our list? Red hair. I’m pretty sure this is the only (natural) redheaded vampire I’ve seen at the movies.

Bonus sexy points: Lilith runs a bordello … of vampire hookers! I believe this was one of the plots of the film, but if not, eh, it’s still nice to think about.

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#9. Kristanna Loken (”Bloodrayne”)

Kristanna Loken loses points for being in a Uwe Boll movie, but gets extra points for hotness and ability to kick ass in “Bloodrayne”, where she plays the character Rayne, one of those pissed off half-human, half-vampire types looking for payback from the vampires. To this end, she gets herself long blades and goes on a slashing spree. Luckily for all involved, Loken decided to skip on the “Bloodrayne” sequel. The best scene in “Bloodrayne” involves Loken’s character shagging her human love interest while they’re pinned up against some cell bars. Plus, there was this lesbian vampire kiss below. Never say Uwe Boll never gave you nothin’, kids.

Bonus sexy points: Um, which part of lesbian vampire kiss don’t you understand?

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#8. Josie Maran, Silvia Colloca, Elena Anaya (”Van Helsing”)

Our Top 10 countdown of the 10 sexiest bloodsuckers of the night consists of two trios of beauties who have played the brides of Dracula in cinema. The only reason why Josie Maran, Silvia Colloca, and Elena Anaya are a tad lower on the countdown than the other brides is because, well, who the hell is Josie Maran, Silvia Colloca, and Elena Anaya? Exactly. Of course, the fact that we don’t know who any of the three women are doesn’t prevent them from getting our blood pumping, which is probably not such a good thing being that there are vamps present and all. Josie Maran, Silvia Colloca, and Elena Anaya carries on the bride of Dracula traditional very well, and the fact that they can transform into flying gargoyle-type creatures makes them somehow more … intriguing.

Bonus sexy points: They can transform. This, I believe, makes them extra limber.

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#7. Leonor Varela (”Blade II”)

She was such a hot to trot vampire that she could melt even the heart of vengeful vampire killer Blade. Or at least, made him re-think chopping her to pieces on first sight. In “Blade II”, actress Leonor Varela played Nyssa, part of the vampire aristocrat that enlists Blade to help them fight some even nastier new type of vampires. In the course of the film, Nyssa and Blade gets a boner for each other, but alas for our hero Blade, love is not meant for one such as he, and he was left to hold onto Nyssa as she literally crumbles away in his arms. But hey, while it lasted, Leonor Varela gave us one hell of a sexy vampire. The fact that she can kick ass and go toe-to-toe with Blade doesn’t hurt, either.

Bonus sexy points: Vamps with Spanish accents are just hot.

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#6. Jami Gertz (”Lost Boys”)

Those of you who only know Jami Gertz as the wife with the weird accent on the CBS sitcom Still Standing probably has no idea that “back in the day” Jami Gertz was as hot as they come. In 1987’s “The Lost Boys”, she played a vampire name Star who spent her nights prowling the boardwalks, using her charms and good looks to lure in men. Our vampire with a heart of gold eventually ended up helping her would-be human victim against her brood, led by a vicious Kiefer Sutherland before his terrorist fighting days. The film also co-starred Jason Patric, who wasn’t nearly as annoying then as he is now. “The Lost Boys” recently got a sequel, but since Jami Gertz is nowhere to be seen, just ignore it like the rest of us.

Bonus sexy points: She’s a vamp with a heart of gold, which is definitely better than a vamp with, say, a heart of daggers. Or something.

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#5. Jeri Ryan, Jennifer Esposito, Colleen Fitzpatrick (”Dracula 2000″)

Technically three bloodsuckers in one, but since they work as a team and are in the same movie, we’re gonna cheat and call them one sexy bloodsucker. If you had to go, you couldn’t ask for a better ending than at the hands (or should we say, fangs) of Jeri Ryan, Jennifer Esposito, Colleen Fitzpatrick, aka the Brides of Dracula from the movie “Dracula 2000″. The film itself is a curious treat for genre fans, being neither very awful or very good, but kinda neat if you like bloodsucking movies that plays around with the vampire mythos. And did I mention two of the Brides of Dracula are former Maxim cover girls? Yeah, that definitely doesn’t hurt, either.

Bonus sexy points: Ex-centerfold vamps? Sign me up!

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#4. Aaliyah (”Queen of the Damned”)

R&B star Aaliyah only did two movies in her very short life, and there’s no doubt she left us way too soon. It’s doubly ironic that her final movie role that the public will ever see is playing Queen Akasha in the movie adaptation of Anne Rice’s “Queen of the Damned”. Who wasn’t entranced by her character’s slippery, seductive movements, the way she glides from victim to victim, taking out vampires and humans alike with ease? Aaliyah made for one incredible queen of the night, and we’re left to wonder what could have been. But while she was here, she sure made a lasting impression. Too bad the rest of the movie was such a piece of shit.

Bonus sexy points: A queen of the vampires who looks like she can still get carded at a bar? There’s something strangely hot about that.

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#3. Julie Benz (Angel)

Before her movie career took off, Julie Benz played the seductive vampire Darla on the small screen in both Buffy the Vampire Slayer and its spin-off show, Angel. As a vampire, she preferred to lure her male victims to their death using her blonde good looks. And really, who could blame them for falling all over themselves to get sucked dry by her? After being turned into a vampire, Darla ran into some chick name Buffy and got herself promptly killed. Luckily for her, death is kind of a minor bother in the Buffy-verse, and she was resurrected in human form, before being eventually turned into a vampire again. Which lands her on our #3 as one hell of a confusing, but still hot vampire.

Bonus sexy points: She went from preying on men to playing the clueless girlfriend of a serial killer on Dexter. For some reason, the vast contrast in roles is strangely sexy.

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#2. Salma Hayek (”From Dust Til Dawn”)

As if womanly curves out the wazoo, a spitfire attitude, and sexy as hell accent wasn’t enough, she had to go and be queen to the bloodsuckers too. We didn’t expect to see much of Salma Hayek as Santanico Pandemonium in Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino’s “From Dust Til Dawn”, but what’s that saying? Sometimes the best things in life are those things you didn’t see coming. Or something to that affect. We only know that for a few minutes of a pretty strange movie, a woman, a big ass snake, and a filthy border town bar never looked so good. Heck, Salma Hayek’s dance in “From Dust Til Dawn” was so hot, we’ll even forgive the movie for making us suffer through another Quentin Tarantino “acting” attempt.

Bonus sexy points: She sure knows how to handle that giant snake…

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#1. Kate Beckinsale (”Underworld”)

Oh come on, you knew this one was a no-brainer, didn’t you? Who was I going to put down here, some nobody from the latest direct-to-DVD vampire movie? Of course not, don’t be silly. There’s no question that Britain’s hottest import in tight black pleather belongs at first place on our list of horrordom’s 10 sexiest bloodsuckers of the night. If looking good wasn’t enough, Kate Beckinsale’s vampire Selene spent her free time prowling the streets of some unname Eastern European city hunting werewolves. Yes, that’s right, she not only has the figure of a supermodel, the face of a Goddess, but she can also take out a room full of drunken sailors. And yes, those unnaturally ethereal blue eyes in the movie don’t hurt, either. Plus, although she’s a vampire, she doesn’t go around killing innocent humans. That’s just the icing on the cake.

Bonus sexy points: Black pleather + British accent = UNGODLY HOT.