Is Roland Kickinger Your New Conan?

If Roland Kickinger’s life was a movie, it would be called “White Single Male”. Apparently Roland Kickinger’s entire career has been leading up to replacing Arnold Schwarzenegger as cinema’s next great Austraian bodybuilder turned actor. Besides hailing from the same country as Arnold, Kickinger is also an ex-bodybuilder, recently played a Terminator in “Terminator Salvation”, and once played Arnold in a TV movie about, of course, Arnold. And now? According to THR’s Risky Biz Blog, Kickinger has landed the cush job of playing the next Conan The Barbarian in the planned remake.

According to the blog, Lionsgate and Nu Image/Millennium have found their beefcake for their reboot, which is set to be directed by Marcus Nispel, the go-to guy for franchise reboots, having rebooted “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and more recently, “Friday the 13th” for the Platinum Dunes boys. Why Kickinger? You mean besides everything I’ve already listed above?

More about Kickinger: he’s 41-years old, from Vienna Austria (Schwarzenegger is from Thal, Styria, Austria according to, and has not exactly had to stretch his acting muscles in the films he’s appeared in. I don’t think he even has a line in “Terminator Salvation”, though to be fair, Schwarzenegger wasn’t exactly an acting powerhouse himself when he landed “Conan” in 1982.

Bottom line, he obviously can toss around broadswords like they’re toothpicks with those guns, and as long as he can grunt out a couple of lines per page, he should be a’ight. It’s not like we’re talking about “Citizen Kane” here, folks. It’s about a guy with a sword, wearing fur skins running around hacking people to pieces.

Update: According to LatinoReview, Kickinger is NOT Conan.

Roland Kickinger as Conan IS COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT! NOT FUCKING TRUE! Trust me guys, I have a super solid source at both Lionsgate and Millenium and they laughed their asses off! Kickinger as Conan?! Folks, think how on the nose and ludicrous that sounds.

Whew, it’s a good thing I put the question mark in the header, huh?

Although I don’t quite get why Kickinger as Conan would be so “ludicrous”. Again, it’s a movie about a musclebound guy who goes around hacking people to pieces with a sword, originally played by a bodybuilder who couldn’t even speak that much English at the time. Which part of that screams “Oscar winning actor needed”? Anyhoo.

Below: Pffft. I’d look like that too, if I, you know, worked out.