Nevermind the Turmoil: Here’s the Hellraiser Remake Synopsis

MCDHEHE EC003Truth be told, I will be very, very surprised if this “Hellraiser” remake ever gets off the ground. Every other day I’m hearing war stories from deep within the production, ranging from a host of talented directors jumping ship to gross interference from the knuckleheads at the Weinstein Company. There’s even a rumor floating around out there that the film will be shot in 3D, though I’m hoping this is nothing more than baseless Internet speculation. Despite all of these unsightly blemishes, is reporting that there’s an official synopsis currently in circulation. The words and phrases, of course, are subject to change.

Here’s what the producers are officially pimping:

The re-telling of Clive Barker’s classic horror masterpiece. Based on Barker’s critically acclaimed novella “The Hellbound Heart,”Hellraiser tells the story of an unfaithful wife who attempts to assist her dead lover in his escape from hell. Having lost his earthly body to a trio of forsaken demons – lead by one of the most enduring horror characters of all time, Pinhead – he must force his former mistress to bring him the necessary human sacrifices to complete his body. Clive Barker’s Hellraiser promises to be a terrifying journey into the darkest corners of the soul.

If this thing never sees the light of day, that will be perfectly okay with me. “Hellraiser” is one of my favorite horror flicks of all-time, and I’d personally love to see this project crash and burn. All of this time, energy, and money would be better spent on an original idea that isn’t attempting to bastardize a property owned by the Weinsteins. Then again, creativity and originality don’t make a lot of money these days, so I guess I should stop whining and just pre-order my tickets, already. There’s a good boy.