Paramount Won’t Screen G.I. Joe for Critics, New Pics

Sorry, all you mainstream critics out there. You know who you are, you and your free movie passes and wine tasting on weekends and whatnot. Yeah, you. Paramount has decided not to give you a free screening of their movie, the last big-budget action film of the Summer, “G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra”. Of course just because Paramount has decided to ditch its usual press screenings for “Joe”, that doesn’t mean the $175 million dollar film completely went unreviewed. The studio has given selected fanboy sites a look at their movie, and whoever did the choosing must be pretty smart, because said fanboy sites have given it positive reviews.

Obviously we’re not one of the sites given the screening, since we’re not smart enough and I’m sure the fact that I would have shown up in my boxers doesn’t help. But I ain’t mad. I still got your back, Paramount. Just, you know, stop calling me, it’s getting weird.

Anyways, lack of press screening is usually an indicator that the studio believes they won’t get any benefits from showing their movie to critics, usually because they either know the movie sucks and will only elicit negative reviews, or because they feel their movie is critic-proof. For example, George Lucas’ “Star Wars” movies. It wouldn’t matter if every critic in the world gave those films a thumbs down, Georgie’s movies would still clean up. Fanboy-approved, critic-proof. Likewise with a lot of horror movies.

“G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra” looks like that type of movie, though I’ve been reading a lot of positive reviews of it lately on the fanboy sites. From everything I’ve heard, it’s a loud, silly, and cartoony action movie with no ties to the real world whatsoever. The film’s producers have already said that their movie is apolitical, so apparently one shouldn’t expect much flag-waving or mentions of “Real American Heroes”, though didn’t I hear that line in one of the trailers? Perhaps they “cleaned” it up for the movie’s International audience. Wouldn’t want to damage those sensitive ears to American jingoism, I suppose, even when said with a snicker.

The Joe boys and girls and their accelerator suits arrive August 7, 2009. Meanwhile, here is a new batch of “Rise of Cobra” images for your viewing pleasure. Click on the pics to see the rest. (By the way, giving Snake Eyes “lips” indentations? Weird.)