Resident Evil Will Never Die: The Studio Wants to Reboot it Already

And they’re going to call it “Resident Evil Begins”, because studio suits are still obsessed with all the gazillions Christopher Nolan’s “Batman” movies have made, and since the first rebooted movie was called “Batman Begins” … and so on. According to Bloody-Disgusting, who says they’ve confirmed the news, once the studio churns out part 4, “Afterlife” in 2010, they plan on going back in time and essentially rebooting the franchise with a fresh slate of characters, but basically the same storyline.

The fancy idea? Have “Resident Evil Begins” be about a special military unit that fights a powerful and out-of-control supercomputer. Plus, there are those scientists who have been mutated into flesh-eating creatures via a laboratory accident. You know, basically like the first movie, except, er, with a fresh, spanking new title to lure you silly kids in. And this time instead of a hot brunette who can kick ass, the special military unit will have a hot blonde who can kick ass. See? Totally different!

Obviously the idea is borderline insulting and retarded, which basically guarantees that it’s actually going to happen. So why reboot the franchise after four installments, and with the original creative teams apparently still willing to keep coming back? Your guess is as good as mine, but I’m assuming money, and the need not to spend too much of it to keep Jovovich coming back, might have something to do with it. Plus, if the studio told Paul W.S. Anderson, the franchise’s producer that they don’t want Jovovich back, he might get a little testy, being that, well, he’s married to her and all. As such, by rebooting the franchise they can jettison the original creative teams and start all over.

Hey, it makes good business sense. Why keep bothering with new storylines (creativity hurts head!) when you can just, you know, do it all over again?

Oh my God, hordes of undead, brainless studio executives! Wait, no, those are just regular studio executives. Nevermind.

Oh my God, hordes of undead, brainless studio executives! Wait, no, those are just regular studio executives. Nevermind.