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 hoa!
It's that guy from "Blossom", and he's
playing a cyborg! Whoa! Or, actually, Joey
Lawrence (billed as "Joseph Lawrence")
plays a soft-voiced robot soldier who begins to
develop feelings for humans, much to the chagrin
of his ever-so-creepy Mad Scientist creator, who
clearly has aspirations of megalomaniac
proportions. "Android Apocalypse" is a
Sci Fi Original movie, so right away you can
expect a moderate to low budget film, stilted
acting, a terrible and illogical screenplay, and a
lot of good, unintentional laughs to be had at the
film's expense.
Which leads to my biggest
problem with the film: it's actually decent.
This is, of course, thanks in no small part to
Scott Bairstow, who co-stars as a disgruntled
ex-human fighter (of what, I'm not entirely sure)
with a grudge against the robots, one of whom has
just taken his job shoveling coal into the furnace
(I think). For you see, in the future humankind is
nearly extinct thanks to our warring ways, and
what's left are living in domed cities while
killer flying machines that used to be under
mankind's control, but have since been
"corrupted", awaits to pick them off in
the desert outside. You would think this last part
would make going outside the domed city a
dangerous prospect, but not so much.
Trouble for our two future
warriors arrive separately: for Jute (Bairstow), a
fight with a robot played by wrestler Chris
Jericho (in a much ballyhooed cameo) ends with the
robot dead and Bairstow sent to a prison somewhere
in the desert. He's literally joined via metal
bonds by Deecee (Lawrence), who has also been sent
to the prison for "re-programming", as
apparently his overt like of the humans didn't
endear him to his Mad Scientist creator, who, in
case you didn't catch it the first time, has Eeeeeeeeeeeeeevil
plans for the domed city. After a tussle with
those flying robots, Jute and Deecee ends up in
the desert, now being hunted by both the flying
robots (who shoots metal darts, incidentally) and
their fellow domed dwellers led by a Lara Croft
wannabe hunter.
Obviously the premise (two
antagonists end up bound together, eventually
develops mutual respect) is nothing new, and the
film's only real innovation is its futuristic
setting. (Then again, "Enemy Mine"
already mined (har har) this particular setting in
the '80s, and with a much bigger budget.) And
since "Android Apocalypse" is a
moderately budgeted film, much of this
"future" consists of the barren, generic
desert. This also explains why everyone uses
"futuristic" weapons like M16s and
shotguns, drives around in old jeeps and rickety
trucks, and "high-tech" prisons look
more like rundown factories re-dressed to give the
appearance of not being rundown factories.
The film's computer CGI, the
lifeblood of today's sci-fi cinematic ventures,
range from good to decent to cheesy, with the
flying robots incredibly easy to kill. Basically a
dozen random shots will blow these huge, hulking
suckers up like the Fourth of July. And did I
mention that these machines, despite being able to
fly and one would think, have the upper hand, have
just two deadly weapons: they either fire metal
spikes at their victims or they get close enough
to drill you. No, seriously. Although patterned
after Skynet's Hunter-Killers from the
"Terminator" movies, these flying hunks
of junk in "Android Apocalypse" doesn't
stack up, although their many explosive demises (I
told you they were easy to destroy) scattered
throughout the film are done surprisingly well.
For those beyond the genre's
fandom, "Android Apocalypse" is not a
whole lot to look at. It's made on the cheap, and
if not for the always excellent Scott Bairstow,
who I have been a big fan of since his
"Lonesome Dove" days ("The Outlaw
Years" being the standout of that brief
2-year run), the whole thing would be
embarrassing. Joey Lawrence, back from the dead
after "Blossom", does fine enough as the
emotionless android who longs to be human (think
Mister Data from "Star Trek: The Next
Generation", minus the pale yellow face paint
and charisma). He doesn't excel, but does manage
to sell the action scenes just well enough. The
film's rumble in the desert between Bairstow and
Lawrence early in the film ends with a nod to
similar scenes from other "tough guy"
movies, and is probably the movie's highlight.
After fighting and rolling down a hill, Deecee
turns to Jute and asks, "Are we done?"
Now that's good writing. Sort of.
The film does lose a lot of
steam once the two cons are re-captured and sent
to the prison, which just happens to be run by the
Mad Scientist. There is about 30 minutes of
padding here, where the Mad Scientist goes the
long route to explain his plans to anyone who will
listen, followed by a lackluster finale that
almost completely leaves Scott Bairstow out of the
action, while Joey Lawrence's one big scene is a
mano-a-mano fight with the aforementioned Lara
Croft wannabe. But despite all that, "Android
Apocalypse" is still quite the guilty
pleasure, even if the second half does seem to
evaporate into endless talking and sequences where
the film's spartan budget rears its ugly head.
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