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you look at the sheer numbers of it, you might
think to yourself, "Why would anyone need to
write a review about a movie which is about a book
which sold over 40 million copies?" Yea, I'm
reviewing the film version of Dan Brown's
"The Da Vinci Code", but we'll get to
that; the book is all about numbers, right?
So, 40 million copies of the
book were sold and I'd say, conservatively, we can
extrapolate from that figure and estimate that the
book has had a readership of 60-70 million, as
those book buyers have families and friends and
co-workers and extra marital affairs, etc. Then,
count in all the documentaries which advertise,
fallaciously, that they are "solving" or
"uncovering" the code and all the hype
the book received from the media in general. I'd
venture to say that four to five times as many
people that have read the book at least know its
premise. Now we're up to about 350 million having
an understanding of the book from levels
rudimentary to expert. That's one twentieth of the
world's population!
Well, I do
want you to read this review and I'm not trying to
pull a Kurt Vonnegut "Cat's Cradle"-type
thing and admonish you to stop before you start.
Myself, and a lot of other people are aware of
"The Da Vinci Code", but that is no
premise on which to completely dismiss the film
rendering. Actually, if you want my uncensored,
brusque opinion on the whole matter, I preferred
the film to the book; not that that is saying too
much. The book presents itself much like a call
girl in the paper that takes a picture with her
hair pulled back in a pony tail and wears a suit
jacket and reading glasses -- a cheap thrill
wearing the mask of intellect. But movies can
provide cheap thrills and still work, at least in
my eyes.
Ron Howard's directorial take
on this zeitgeist in popular prose is a twist
laden, mathematical adventure which captures an
extremely exhaustive day or two in the lives of
nine or ten characters who are unbelievable
interwoven. They all connect through impossible
coincidence and whatnot, and in movie form this is
OK, because it's over in two hours and while you
may leave perplexed, you will be sufficiently
entertained.
Tom Hanks plays Robert
Langdon, an expert in symbology and numbers, who
is suspected in a murder investigation. The victim
is a Louvre curator who was set to meet with
Langdon to discuss scholarly topics on the night
he was killed and, also, who happens to be the
grandfather of a government agent named Sophie
Neveu (Audrey Tautou), who aides Langdon's escape
from overzealous detective Captain Fache, who
happens to also be on the payroll of the militant
Catholic regime Opus Dei, who had the curator
killed to find out the secret of the Holy Grail.
Get the picture? Oh, and the grail, it's not a cup
like Indiana Jones and Monty Python and the
Inquisition crusaded for. The grail is an abstract
symbol which was invented to conceal the veracity
of Jesus and Mary Magdalene's marriage and child.
All of the Catholic
conspiracy stuff you probably already are aware of
so let's speak on the movie itself. "The Da
Vinci Code" seen through the lens of Ron
Howard is a moderately paced thriller with
exquisite shots of
Paris
, the occasional shock of an albino ascetic monk
tearing the flesh off of his back with some arcane
torture device and a lot of last second escapes
and unrealistic circumstances. Comedy takes a
severe back seat to historical fact and
speculation; direct dramatic interaction with the
audience is blocked by an albatross of a plot as
convoluted as it is high school English class
summer reading material.
Hanks and Tautou produce a
very weak electric charge in the way of sexual
tension, as is more prevalent in the text, both
just getting by, especially Tautou, who doesn't
speak English very well and passes, ironically,
because of her cute French accent. Hanks is a bore
and not as commanding, understatedly masculine,
nerdy, or confidently abstruse as Langdon is
supposed to be. The only performances worthy of
such a blockbuster are from Ian McKellen (Sir
Leigh Teabing) and Paul Bettany
("Firewall") as the color-phobic monk
Silas. Both McKellen and Bettany bring their
characters to the screen exactly as I imagined
them in the novel, just with more flare and
realism.
For anyone that hasn't read
the novel, spare yourself two weeks of reading
some insipid code cracking and dogma bashing and
just see the movie; you'll get the point and your
eyes won't have to strain as hard.
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