|
 h, the stray piece of hair stuck in the film camera's
loading gate, the first sign of trouble for "Deadly Species" (not that
there weren't any before, natch). When you see a whole sequence with a big piece
of hair twirling away over the filmed image, you know you're not about to sit
down for a movie of "Citizen Kane" caliber. Unfortunately that
statement is all too true when we're dealing with "Deadly Species",
about an expedition into the wild Florida Everglades in search of a Native
American tribe thought to be extinct.
Actually that last statement isn't exactly true, because
the "wild Everglades" actually looks quite homely, not to mention less
than "deadly". In fact, I think I was in rougher terrain when I went
to my local city park for a picnic last week. No sooner do our intrepid
explorers -- consisting of two professors, the millionaire that bankrolled their
expedition, and some college kids -- enter the "wild" Everglades does
stuntmen in foam rubber suits -- er, I mean deformed creature start stalking
them.
Anyone who has seen enough of these Lost Tribe movies will
know two things right off the bat: 1) The college professor and his wife will
want to study the species for purely noble reasons, while 2) the millionaire
will have an ulterior motive, probably something really evil and since he's also
a -- gasp! -- Capitalist, he'll want to make a buck. And the college students?
If they all live I'll be shocked. As it stands, I'm certain the two girls, whose
last name we don't even know, will go first and second, the order of their
deaths depending on which one goes naked first. (Although technically the girl
with the boyfriend is naked first, but that was back in
"civilization".)
The better question is if Brian Minyard's Evil Capitalist
knows so much about the lost tribe, why does he need Pete Penuel's Noble
Professor to lead the expedition? As far as I can tell, the professor seems to
know a lot of useless academic information, all of which the Evil Capitalist
also knows. In fact, the Evil Capitalist, because of his monetary influences,
seems to know even more than the Noble Professor. So why is the Evil
Capitalist, who has Evil Intentions, wasting his time with a bunch of academics
who will become nothing but obstacles to his Evil Plans?
At around the 40-minute mark, one of the college girls
whose last name we don't know goes naked in the first pond they come across. A
pond, I might add, that is miraculously clean for the "unexplored and still
wild Everglades". I guess the fact that the expedition just stumbled across
bloody remains of the expedition that preceded them doesn't deter from the first
chance at a naked bath. Needless to say, she bites it first. Wow, I'm so
shocked!
If you didn't know that "Deadly Species" is a
piece of junk, consider this inspired piece of writing. Later in the film, the
camp arms itself for a night attack by the creatures. When the creatures do
attack, the Evil Capitalist and his Silent Bodyguard opens fire with heavy
weapons, chasing the creatures away. What do you think happens now? If you
guessed that the Noble Professor would berate the Evil Capitalist for trying
to save their lives from bloodthirsty creatures that have already killed 2 and
nearly gutted the Noble Professor, then give yourself a gold star.
Gee, I wonder if the Evil Capitalist will die a most
gruesome death? Oh wait, I forgot. "Deadly Species" is junk writing.
Worst, it even tries to offer a message at the end. It's hard enough for me to
stand a bad movie, but when that bad movie tries to preach to me as well, I
think it's time for payback.
On the plus side, at least "Deadly Species" isn't
"National
Security".
|
