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the actors bad, or is it the dialogue?"
That's the question you will be asking yourself
while watching "Death Tunnel", the new
horror film (made for a reported one million) set
in one of those locations horror movies always
seem to find themselves set in -- that is, an
abandoned, old, and creepy
hospital/mansion/house/[insert your abandoned,
old, and creepy locale of choice here]. In the
case of "Death Tunnel", the location's
history, as chronicled in the film, just happens
to be true. Mind you, not that this will make you
forget your initial question: "Are the actors
really awful, or is it the writing that's stinking
up the joint?"
The story of "Death
Tunnel" is as derivative as its setting --
five college girls are required to stay for 5
hours at an old, haunted sanitarium that was once
home to mental patients that perished en masse in
1928, so that they (our 5 lasses) can join some
sort of private club led by greasy heartthrob
Richie (Jason Lasater). As expected, ghostly
happenings intrude on what was supposed to be an
elaborate prank, and soon a bodycount is not far
behind. And yes, if you were wondering, the dull
Fair Hair Lead (who is, of course, blonde) is also
psychic. How predictable.
The main problem with
"Death Tunnel" is director Philip Booth,
who has high visual acumen and no one knows this
more than he. This explains why the film is chock
full of ADD-laden jump cuts and other assorted
editing gimmicks, all timed to generic screeching
music, of course. So enamored with his editing
skills that Booth drowns every inch of the movie
to within an inch of its life with flash
camerawork, every directing decision
pre-determined by the films Booth has seen and
been influenced by. The result is a glossy,
polished looking film, the kind that teens weaned
on MTV music videos all but demand nowadays. And
on those rare occasions Booth decides to let a
scene play out without gratuitous jump cutting to
something else a split-second later, there is so
little going on that tedium quickly sets in.
Booth's filmmaking style is
in direct contrast to the less-is-more approach of Brad
Andersen's similarly themed, but far superior
"Session
9", which was precisely the reason why that film
got under your skin. Booth's movie doesn't get
under your skin so much as it makes you itch with
its constant screeching soundtrack, unnecessarily
non-linear chronology, and overwhelming style over
all else approach. Speaking of which, there is
absolutely no good reason why "Death
Tunnel" decides to get cute with the
timeline, save to remind the audience that yes,
the filmmakers have seen a lot of movies, and like
all impressionable youths, they're just copying
what they thought was "cool". Damn you,
Tarantino!
The basic, lowest common
denominator treat to be had from "Death
Tunnel" is that the primary cast consists of
attractive young women required to wear skimpy
nighties during their stay at the sanitarium. This
allows for extended scenes of pretty young girls
walking about the dingy building getting dirty. It
definitely plays to the hormone-inclined men in
the audience, which was obviously the intent.
Unfortunately most of the actresses chosen for
speaking parts are dead weight, but then again I'm
sure acting ability wasn't part of the job
description. One girl has such a thick Southern
drawl that I'm not sure if it's affected or the
real thing, and if it is the real thing, imagine
having to hear that voice 24 hours a day. Christ.
"Death Tunnel" does
have a few serviceable moments that make it not a
total waste of time. This includes actress Kristin
Novak, who seems to be really enjoying her time as
the snooty rich bitch of the group, playing the
character so exaggerated that you can't help but
grin whenever she struts onto the screen. In
probably the film's best moment, Richie has just
been dump by Ashley (Novak), prompting him to have
a flashback (one of many the film indulges in,
alas) to their better days together. In the
flashback (which, remember, is supposed to be one
of those "back when it was great"
moments), the two are kissing, when Ashley turns
toward the camera and gives us (that is, Richie)
the finger. It's too bad the rest of the film is
devoid of such imagination.
If the premise of "Death
Tunnel" feels overly familiar, you may have
seen another teens-in-haunted-hospital movie
called "Boo!"
earlier in 2005. In that movie, teens also went to
a haunted hospital and encountered ghostly
apparitions from the past. The two films share
much in common, but then again "Death
Tunnel" shares a lot in common with a lot of
films that you've probably seen before. This isn't
exactly an original story, and the visuals, as
slick as Booth presents them, does little to
alleviate the seasoned horror watcher's
familiarity with the story at hand. What's left,
then, is a movie about half-naked girls walking
around a dingy building as the soundtrack screams
and screeches on cue. Plus, Kristin Novak gets
naked. |
