|
will try to keep this as simple as possible. Avoid
this pathetic movie at all costs! Got that? Good.
But just to satisfy my own needs as a film reviewer, let's
delve into this pathetic sham of a movie anyway, shall we?
Plot: Naïve girl goes to big city, gets bitten by
vampires, ends up liking her new life a little too much; meanwhile, her
boyfriend is searching for her, finds help from vampire slayer. In the end, a
lot of clothes are shed, a lot of fake blood splatters, and a lot of
unbelievably bad simulated sex takes place.
Let me get this out of the way in case you are a fan of the
original, as I am: This is not a worthy sequel. It could be that I am not
getting the full picture here, since my copy of the movie is Rated R (which
seems to be the only version available anywhere). Although I doubt that taking
away the restraints of an R-rating (which, by itself, is quite broad in what's
permitted in the sex department) would make this movie any better than it
presently is.
(Note: the review for the original "Embrace
the Darkness" was based on the unrated version.)
Taking some cues from its original (which, besides the
notion of vampires it has nothing in common with, or any links to),
"Darkness 2" is a timid and bored movie about club hopping vampires
who uses the night rave scene to pick up prey, take them to the back room,
have badly shot and edited sex with them, and then bite them in the neck with
fake-looking "vampire teeth".
The small budget of the movie can't be blamed here, since
the original looks as if it had even a smaller budget, if that's possible. Also,
far be it for me (a non-actor) to pick on the acting talent of people involved
in movies of this subgenre, but it's absolutely shocking how bad these people
are.
If there is one -- and only one -- saving grace, it's that
the film tries to tie itself to the whole van Helsing legend, proving that it
has some, if not a lot of, ambition. For those who don't know, van
Helsing is the name of Bram Stoker's famed vampire hunter in his
"Dracula" novel. Many movies, including "Dracula 2000", have
gone back and tried to tie their modern day vampire movie with the 19th
century vampire slayer. But like everything else about it, "Darkness
2" fails in its attempt to credibly associate itself with the van Helsing
name.
Movies like "Embrace the Darkness 2" is all about
sex, but even that is lacking here, if not in quantity, then definitely in
quality. The editing is so bad that it's hard to know
what the heck is going on when there is more than one person onscreen at a time.
The sex scenes, for what they're worth, are laughable. There is no heat or
passion in the performances and it does not help that the actors are barely on
this side of average in the looks department. "Darkness 2" has the
gall to not only give us a weak film, but it has to stick it to us when it comes
to the eye candy department, too. Now that, I'm afraid, is something I just
can't stand.
|
