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 ovies like "Extreme Crisis" have inspired me to
create a new terminology. I'm going to call it Because the Script Says So, or
BSSS. In short, BSSS means this: movies have situations or characters that makes
absolutely no sense, and these anomalies can appear at just about any time in
the movie, simply because at that particular moment the script requires
it to happen in order to justify what's about to happen next. And thus, it's
there Because the Script Says So.
While watching "Extreme Crisis", certain
questions may pop into your head, such as: Why are the cops so stupid? Or, why
did the terrorists blow up that hotel? Then those of you intent on making sense
of "Crisis" might even come up with this whopper: Why are the cops,
with terrorists running around town blowing up everything in sight, so desperate
to arrest one of their own, who has done nothing illegal? I'm not exaggerating
the least bit when I say that "Extreme Crisis" is an extremely bad
film. (Ha ha, I'm so clever.)
The film stars Julian Cheung ("Martial
Angels") as headstrong cop Ken Cheung (Gee, how creative, they just
used the guy's real last name). After Cheung's mentor is shot dead by Japanese
cultists intent on blackmailing the Hong Kong police into releasing their
recently captured leader, Cheung goes on a one-man crusade. Well actually he has
help in Japanese cop Takami (Kenya Sawada), whose own men were shot dead by the
cult in Japan. Armed with nothing more than guts and the combined intelligence
of a squirrel, our fearless duo sets about to save the world! Well, at least
Hong Kong.
Talking about "Crisis" is a bore, so I'll just
list some more BSSS moments: While searching for a clue to the terrorists'
whereabouts, Cheung and Takami are told by a Japanese associate, off the top of
her head, that there's a Japanese chemist in town. I guess this chemist must
also be the only chemist in all of Hong Kong because the terrorists have also
kidnapped him to produce the sarin gas that they plan to use if their demands
aren't met! Later, Cheung and Takami aren't sure where to re-locate the
terrorists (they keep losing them because, you know, BSSS). So how do they
re-acquire the terrorists? Well, they go driving, and just decide to stop at a
conveniently empty school (it's a holiday, Cheung remarks) where the terrorists
are cooking their sarin gas!
It's hard to relate how bad "Crisis" is. The
funny thing is, director Bruce Law has all the resources to make a good -- or at
least decent -- action movie. The budget is very high, the movie is slick and
polished, and most of all, he has Qi Shu. But alas, "Crisis" is a work
of pure cheese, a film of few merits. Not only does Law fail to capitalize on
resources that would make his fellow Hong Kong filmmakers drool, but the man
indulge in child endangerment more than once. Not content to show a truck nearly
running over school kids crossing a street, we also get a kid getting shot at
and, perhaps just for fun, getting killed. Gee, thanks, Bruce!
About halfway in, the movie inexplicably becomes a bad
"Die Hard" clone, with the terrorists taking over the TV station that
Cheung's girlfriend, Qi Shu, works at. The lovely Miss Shu is forced to
broadcast the terrorists' messages as Cheung and Takami infiltrate the place
with the bumbling (and seemingly even dumber, if that's possible) Inspector
Ching (Teresa Lee). No, don't ask how they infiltrate the place. Or how Ching
ended up there before them. Just repeat after me: Because the Script Says So.
The best thing about "Crisis" is the Japanese
actor playing Lone, the cultists' second-in-command. Lone has a strange habit of
being really appreciative and even sincerely apologetic as he goes about
shooting people and blowing things up. He may be a homicidal maniac, but at
least he's got really good manners!
And oh yeah, a lot of things blow up real good. That was
nice.
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