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 an
you believe this? These guys get more tail than I
do."
Once the above thought pops
into your head while watching the documentary
"Murderball", pity for the people being
profiled goes right out the window. Then again, if
you were to tell a guy like Mark Zupan that you
pity him, he's liable to punch you in the crotch,
then headbutt you to the ground, before rolling
you into
the ground with his dented, gladiator-style
wheelchair. To paraphrase one of Zupan's childhood
friends, being in a chair didn't turn Zupan into
an asshole, he already was one. The same is true
for Zupan's arch nemesis, the Benedict
Arnold-inspired Joe Soares, a former member of the
U.S.A.
wheelchair rugby team who, after being cut, vows
to defeat his former teammates by heading up north
to coach Team
Canada
. To be sure of Joe's inherent asshole tendencies,
you only need ask his non-jock son Robert, the
target of Joe's constant disciplining.
Although the film opens with,
and follows the regiments of Team
U.S.A.
's Wheelchair Rugby squad as they train to smash
mouth once again with Team
Canada
and Joe Soares, "Murderball" would
rather introduce you to the world of
quadriplegics. And what a fascinating and
revealing world it is. It goes without saying that
99.99% of the world's population has never spent a
second of one day considering what it's like to be
a quadriplegic, to live like one, much less to
make love like one. "Murderball" goes
there, and then some.
Originally created in Canada
and called Murderball for the viciousness with
which the sport has become known, Wheelchair
Rubgy, or Quad Ruby, is very much like normal
rugby -- rough and tumble, played by equally rough
and tumble people. To play it means to want to rip
your opponent's heart out (if not literally, then
emotionally), or to scream like a maniac at the
top of your lungs to psych yourself up. If
anything, having to move around in a heavy,
metallic wheelchair as you literally crash into
your opponent (often ending with someone's
wheelchair toppling over, spilling the occupant)
is more dangerous than able bodied rugby. Imagine
sitting in your chair when someone comes out of
nowhere to broadside you, and that's not even
close to the ferocity of real Quad Rugby.
It's inevitable that you will
feel bad for the quadriplegics in the documentary
from time to time, but that notion is oftentimes
quickly tempered by the fact that these guys are
doing more than I do each day sitting here
reviewing bad movies. They're winning medals,
braving the fire of competition, and their life
has more meaning than most able bodied people's.
When was the last time your neighbor trained year
round to win a gold medal? Exactly. Their world
may not be easy, and everyday chores may seem like
Herculean tasks, but at the end of the day they,
as Zupan puts it, these guys probably do more in a
chair than they ever would have on their feet.
The star of
"Murderball" is, without a doubt, the
tattooed and goateed Mark Zupan, who fell asleep
in a truck being driven by his drunken best friend
Christopher Igoe when they got into an accident.
Years later, the two friends still haven't
reconciled, that terrible day still haunting Igoe,
while Zupan has gone on with life. He has a
girlfriend (a hippie mortician!) who never
envisioned herself dating a jock, much less a
quadriplegic jock. And true to his personality,
Zupan is probably the sport's best spokesman.
Rugby
wishes it had someone as charismatic as this guy
promoting it.
The other half of "Murderball" is spent with
Joe Soares, who coaches Team Canada more out of a
need to crush his former allies (and in the
process prove them wrong for cutting him) than for
any other reason. Joe's preoccupation with winning
and sports is most apparent in his treatment of
son Robert, who shows no skill in sports, much to
the father's chagrin, even though Joe professes
otherwise. It's only after a scare with a heart
attack that Joe comes to realize what's important,
thankfully for young Robert. Mind you, not that
almost dying has done anything to smother Joe's
intense need to defeat Team
U.S.A.
As the two teams prepare for the 2004 Paralympics in
Athens
, a confrontation of epic proportions is inevitable.
At
just 80 minutes of running time,
"Murderball" is too short. There are
people that are profiled in the film that I wanted
to know more about, such as young Keith Cavill,
who is at the beginning of where Zupan and
teammate Scott Hogsett used to be before finding a
second life in their gladiator wheelchairs. Keith
appears early in the film, but disappears for a
long period, before resurfacing near the end
during one of Zupan's trips to a hospital to
promote Quad Rubgy. The last we hear of Keith,
he's saving up the $3,000 needed to buy his first
rugby wheelchair.
Of course this isn't a
scripted movie, and there can be no happy or tidy
endings as the credits start to roll. If you've
been paying attention to "Murderball",
you would have known that by now. |
