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 lthough "Nightmare Beach" is credited
to director Harry Kirkpatrick, a quick bit of investigation soon reveals
that it is in fact the work of our old Italian friend Umberto Lenzi. For the
uninitiated, this is the guy who gave us the red meat classics "Cannibal
Ferox" and "Eaten
Alive", as well as some choice zombie action in the film "City
of the Walking Dead". I'm always kind of saddened when I see a
well-established European director going by a stupid pseudonym like this.
Honestly, why? It's not like Lenzi had anything to gain from the subterfuge.
Had "Nightmare Beach" been a success, I'm sure he wouldn't have
launched a new career in the U.S. under the name Kirkpatrick.
Besides, this was a straight to
video no-hoper, coming out in the middle of the 1980's slasher boom. Did the
releasing company honestly think anyone but hardcore fans would care who
directed it? Lenzi has been making genre pictures since the late 1950s,
which is one hell of a record considering that the guy has no real
discernible talent beyond throwing in outrageous gore and gratuitous nudity
whenever he runs into a wall in the plot. This of course has earned him a
considerable fan base, myself included, and so I was quite looking forward
to checking out "Nightmare Beach". Damn, was I ever disappointed.
Maybe using Kirkpatrick wasn't such a bad idea after all.
The plot is your basic slasher mystery set up: a year
after a biker gang leader is executed for murder, teens that have turned
up for spring break start to die. A supernatural figure clad in black
leather and riding a bike that he uses to electrocute his victims is
apparently wasting the poor partygoers. Who could the killer be? The angry
spirit of the gang leader? Violent cop John Saxon? The vaguely sinister
Reverend Bates? Who cares? Well, Skip (Nicolas De Toth) cares, and after
the death of his excruciatingly annoying friend, he sets out to solve the
mystery in-between drinking beers and trying to get into barmaid Gail's
pants.
"Nightmare Beach" is kind of like
Lenzi-light -- all the bad stuff and none of the good. Like I said, the
man is not exactly an accomplished director, so what we have here is a lot
of static shots, some badly filmed action scenes, and a slow moving plot.
Lenzi's films generally have a sense of the ludicrous about them, which
keeps things entertaining. However, with "Nightmare Beach" there
were just so many other slasher films around at the time that the whole
deal just comes across as a lazy, by-the-numbers stinker. Nothing about
the film is inventive, and the killing scenes barely even register on the
thrill-o-graph.
I don't think anyone will be surprised to hear that
the acting in "Nightmare Beach" is pretty lame. In general, it's
barely above the level of porno, and considering the regularity with which
clothes are discarded by the supporting cast, maybe something can be read
into that. Nicolas De Toth, who to be fair is not really an actor at all,
is quite horrible as Skip, leaving a gaping vacuum where the leading man
should be. Sarah Buxton, who would go on to wow us on TV in "The Bold
and the Beautiful", is equally ineffective as Gail, the idiotic
barmaid who takes a depressing and unlikely shine to Skip.
As horror fans have found themselves saying on
countless occasions, 'Thank God for John Saxon'. Saxon, one of the all
time genre greats, is in fine, scowling form here, bringing a touch of
class to what would otherwise have been an unsalvageable mess. Michael
Parks ("Kill
Bill") turns up briefly as a doctor and looking embarrassed
before promptly disappearing. How does a film like this manage to get
actors of their caliber?
To be honest, all of these criticisms are pretty much
par for the course, and kind of expected. What I don't expect, however, is
a complete lack of real sleaze or gore to keep things lively. Sure,
there's a fair bit of swimsuit action, but dammit I'm a discerning viewer
and I demand more. A few bloodless electrocution murders are simply not
good enough, especially when the effects are laughably sub-par. The only
thing shocking about "Nightmare Beach" is the way Lenzi, usually
a gore hound's best friend, totally shies away from the carnage.
Seriously, some films are accused of being gratuitously violent; this one
is guilty of being gratuitously restrained. It really is hard to believe
that this is the guy who gave us "Cannibal Ferox".
Overall, I cannot think of one good reason for
watching "Nightmare Beach". The film is boring, slow, bloodless,
and a complete waste of time. Fans of Umberto Lenzi should file this under
'Harry Kirkpatrick'.
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