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 ometimes there's just no real reason for a movie to be
in the first place. Take the South Korean movie "Resurrection
of the Little Match Girl", and now take the Japanese movie
"Returner". Both films are clearly inspired by "The
Matrix", and one can spot the "inspiration" in the action
sequences and special effects. Although storywise, "Returner" has most
in common with James Cameron's "Terminator"
franchise.
Takeshi Kaneshiro headlines as Miyamoto, a black
leather-clad guy who does strange things like rob from the local mob and free
abducted street urchins. Ann Suzuki steps into
the Kyle Reese role as a futuristic freedom fighter name Millie who is sent
through a time portal back to the present in order to save the future. Time
paradoxes notwithstanding, Millie lands smack dab in the middle of Miyamoto's
gunfight with longtime arch nemesis Mizoguchi (Goro Kishitani), who actually
doesn't remember Miyamoto at all.
It seems that in the future, approximately 80 years from
now, a race of technologically advanced aliens have come to Earth, nearly wipe
out the human race, and is now intent on finishing the job. (Although I have to
wonder, if they're so advance how come they haven't finished the job yet after
80 years?) The culprit, it seems, is an alien that crash landed on the planet,
and later was responsible for signaling the invasion orders. If Millie can only
get to the alien first, and kill it…
They say that imitation is the finest form of flattery, but
I say it's time to call in the litigious lawyers. Parts "Terminator",
parts "Matrix",
and parts "Independence
Day" and "E.T.", "Returner" doesn't have a single
original bone in its body. Beyond those points, the movie is unfathomably dull,
tedious, and so lacking in any semblance of energy or pop that I was
hardpressed to even hear the techno soundtrack that was meant to "get me
pump" for the movie's many action scenes. The result? I had a hard time
trying not to fall asleep, which is not the reaction one expects when watching a
movie that has as big a budget as "Returner".
To be honest, I had a very hard time trying to understand
what writer/director Takashi Yamazaki was going for. With "Resurrection
of the Little Match Girl" I had a sense that the filmmaker was
attempting parody, and although he failed miserably, I knew his intentions. I am
stumped about "Returner". Besides the fact that the story is a rehash
of American blockbusters and the movie itself was clearly intended to cash in on
as large a market as possible, I can't think of any reason why
"Returner" was even made. For that matter, why does the Mizoguchi
character look like a bad extra from one of those one-on-one fighting video
games? I just don't get the hair and the blasé homicidal attitude.
The screenplay is a big part of the problem, if not the
biggest problem. Although we're supposed to believe that Millie is on a
timetable (she has only a few days to prevent the outbreak of war between humans
and the aliens), this doesn't exactly explain why she spills the beans to
Miyamoto about the whole alien thing, only to go mum for a long stretch of time,
then to try to convince him again later on. Also, for a woman who has been sent
back in time to save mankind, that whole "racing against time" thing
didn't exactly stop Millie from indulging in a little shopping and some
time-consuming facial, not to mention a whole wardrobe change. Nice boots.
There are other numerous lapses in common sense, and just a
sheer unwillingness on the part of Takashi Yamazaki to explore plot holes, much
less try to seal them up. For instance, once the government discovers a crashed
spaceship in their backyard, they drive it (on the back of a semi truck covered
in a heavy tarp, no less!) to one of their research facilities. Despite having
armed soldiers and an alien spaceship and a living alien pilot in the
facility, apparently it's still not against the rules for a scientist to greet
three very unscientific looking men outside, lead them into the building,
and show them the spaceship and alien as if he was hosting his own tourism
attraction. Man, discovering crashed
alien ships and an entirely new alien species just don't warrant the security it
used to! Haven't we learned anything from Roswell?
Listing all of the gaping plot holes of
"Returner" is a day-long job. The point is, there was such little care
taken with the script, that it's no use respecting it. Acting wise, Takeshi
Kaneshiro looks good in tight black leather and he's got the too-cool-for-school
posing down to a science. But the less said about the horrendous disaster that
is the Mizoguchi character the better.
Then again, the movie bogs down badly when we're forced to
sit through Miyamoto and Millie attempt chemistry. At least 30 minutes of the
film's first hour is spent with Miyamoto and Millie. Besides being painfully
dull and lifeless, these scenes only add to the inevitable conclusion that
"Returner" is criminally lacking in energy. The movie crawls
from one plot point to another, which in itself wouldn't be such a bad thing if
the Millie character doesn't keep reminding us that she's racing against the
clock. Gee, Millie, you keep saying it, but you sure don't show it. It
also doesn't help that the ending drags on for at least 20 minutes more than it
should.
For those who cares, "Returner" can add itself to
the list of films that have copied the bullet-time effect in "The
Matrix". Unfortunately in this case I'm not entirely sure if Yamazaki was going
for parody or not. There are a number of good action scenes in the film,
and the effects, because of the movie's large budget, are very well done. "Returner" certainly doesn't lack for visual
effects, that's for sure. It just lacks everything else.
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