|
 ne
word comes to mind when considering this adaptation of a very minor
Stephen king story:
Why?
Why was this made? Can anyone honestly say it was made
with the intention of furthering the cause of the horror genre? Would
anyone dare claim that a film as lame as this was made to entertain and
thrill? Sadly, we all know the answer to these questions.
The film may be based on King's story, but was
clearly inspired by the almighty dollar. "Sometimes They Come
Back" is a tired, weak film that has nothing to offer the genre fan.
It is a non-event, and yet another thinly veiled excuse to milk yet more
money from the apparently everlasting King cash cow.
I must admit, I am a fan of king's writing and have
read most of his books. But Jesus, the cinematic atrocities that have been
committed in his name make me shudder for all the wrong reasons.
"Sometimes They Come Back" is another in this swamp of
mediocrity, an unbearably pedestrian waste of celluloid that would fail to
scare even the most nervous of children. The film was actually made for
U.S. TV, but even this fails to excuse such a sickening exercise in
nothingness.
Based on the story of the same name, the film follows Jim Norman (Tim
Matheson), a schoolteacher who returns to work in his old hometown after
suffering a violent breakdown. The town holds tragic memories for Jim, and
he is still haunted by the death of his younger brother years ago in an
accident that also claimed the lives of a local gang of bullies. Jim's
life takes a turn for the sinister as one by one the bullies return from
the grave to haunt him, each one replacing a murdered student from his
class.
"Sometimes They Come Back" is directed by Tom McLoughlin, an
unambitious TV film director whose only effort of note has been
"Friday the 13th part VI: Jason Lives". His direction here is
completely anonymous, flat, and without any sense of style. Worse still is
the film's pacing, which is slow even at the best of times. There is no
suspense at all, and McLoughlin utterly fails to provide any chills or
thrills.
The plot is entirely predictable, and any edge that
King's story may have had is irreparably diluted by the stench of this
rotten production. The film is guaranteed to leave the viewer yawning with
boredom, troubled by nothing more than a vague feeling of anger at having
wasted 97 minutes. What in the name of all that is holy is the point of a
horror film that makes no attempt to horrify? Honestly, "Sometimes
They Come Back" is so lazy it barely makes any effort to include even
the tamest of shocks.
Still, at least McLoughlin does manage to drum up a certain atmosphere: of
cheapness. Even the fact that this was made for TV does not excuse
the fact that it feels like several episodes of a low budget series
hastily edited together. Some films benefit from a shoestring budget,
gaining a sense of gritty realism. "Sometimes They Come Back"
merely gains the sense of being an amateurish mess.
The acting is sophomoric at best, and film fans will howl with frustration
at seeing the career of once proud Tim Matheson ("Animal House")
decline even further into TV movie hell. Oh, the sheer indignity of it
all! Minor TV movie queen Brooke Adams simpers her way through the film as
Matheson's laughably ineffective wife. The rest of the cast would be more
at home in a high school play and only serve to accentuate the
unbelievable lack of professionalism that went into making this pointless
melodrama.
Gore hounds should not even bother with this limp,
bloodless excuse for a horror film. There is no carnage, few deaths and
scant bloodletting. What do we get in return? A few substandard zombie
make up FX.
This is a terrible non-film that all should stay away from. I am utterly
at a loss as to how this pathetic excuse for a tax-write off managed to
inspire not one, but two sequels -- the hilariously titled
"Sometimes They Come Back....Again" and "Sometimes They
Come Back....For More". Are these films any good? Do you really need
to ask?
I hope that anyone who reads this review appreciates the strain I have put
myself under by forcing myself to recall viewing this wretched film.
Still, if you promise never to watch "Sometimes They Come Back",
then my pain will all have been worthwhile. |
