|
 oul Survivors" comes to us with the all too
familiar stench of an oft-mentioned, long delayed release. I first heard
of this film a couple of years back, nodded with vague interest then
completely forgot about it. Fast-forward to the present day, when I see
the flashy trailer that sort of reminds me of "Valentine"
(which I have to confess to watching) and decided to check it out.
Yet again, I am left cursing my gullibility, for
"Soul Survivors" is a pathetic mess that can't make up its mind
whether it wants to be a serious psychological horror or an empty attempt
to cash in on the teen flick craze. Not that it really matters, for this
is a terrible, terrible film whichever way you look at it. Sitting through
something like this is a truly depressing experience, and one that further
decreases my belief that Hollywood is capable of churning out a horror
film that is even remotely interesting or original. "Soul
Survivors" is a complete insult to any viewer, and to horror fans
it's like being patted on the head while someone sticks a knife in your
back.
The plot follows the misadventures of college co-ed
Cassie (Melissa Sagemiller), whose life takes a turn for the weird after
she and a couple of friends survive the car accident that claims the life
of her boyfriend Sean (Casey Affleck). Before long, poor Cassie is
hallucinating, her friends are acting creepy, and Sean returns to haunt
her. On top of all this, a masked, gimped-up psycho begins to chase her
all over campus, leaving her in fear for her life. What's a girl to do?
As most genre fans will recognize, what we have here
is a thinly veiled, teen friendly remake of the 1962 classic "Carnival
of Souls". Unfortunately, "Soul Survivors" has
completely failed to reproduce any of the disturbing, off-kilter
atmosphere, the creeping suspense, or the genuine frights that made the
black and white shocker so memorable. Instead, director Stephen Carpenter
takes the easy, commercial route, throwing in music video styling, a
pounding metal soundtrack, and a few highly derivative scare scenes.
Although in today's film commercial industry
originality has sadly become acceptably rare, surely it wouldn't be too
much to ask for a little gusto? Apparently so, as Carpenter directs by the
numbers and utterly fails to inject any kind of action or excitement.
What's worse, this is the kind of "Surely You Don't Mean!" type
of film that insults the audience by explaining every plot detail through
line after line of pointless dialogue, then throwing in a few flashbacks
just to make sure we haven't missed the point.
It's hard to believe this is the same guy who gave us
two eighties genre high points in "The
Kindred" and "The Dorm that Dripped Blood". Here,
Carpenter hardly makes an effort, and "Soul Survivors" is a
truly meek piece of trash that would hardly disturb a ten-year-old.
Really, I'm confused here. What in the name of God is the point of making
a horror film without the horror? Why the hell didn't Carpenter just go
and remake "She's all That"? For Christ's sake, he even has the
cheek to throw in a completely undeserved Hollywood ending which makes
about as much sense as low-alcohol beer, and for that at least, he should
hang.
As might be expected for a film of this type,
"Soul Survivors" has an all-star cast of eye candy, most notably
Wes Bentley ("American
Beauty"), Eliza Dushku (of "Buffy" and "Wrong
Turn" fame) and Casey Affleck (brother of Ben). Unfortunately,
like every aspect of the film, the acting from all three is dull and
uninspired. Perhaps I'm being a little harsh, as it's not like they had
anything to work with in the first place. Melissa Sagemiller is incredibly
annoying as the heroine, bleating and whining her way through the film
like a diseased sheep begging to but put out of its misery. Seriously,
although she was pretty good in the more recent "Love
Object", I just can't imagine anyone rooting for her through this
mess. And without a central villain figure to cheer on, the viewer is
pretty much at a loss.
Gorehounds, do I even need to tell you what to
expect? Or rather, what not to expect, as there is absolutely nothing to
get excited about here. No blood, no gore, no point. Seriously though,
whilst some horror films can still be classics without carnage (recently,
"The
Devil's Backbone" and "The
Others"), "Soul Survivors" is simply far too dull to
cut it as an atmospheric creeper, and way, way too stupid to be called a
psychological thriller. Simply put: snake eyes on all counts.
I'm not just recommending that you avoid "Soul
Survivors", I'm insisting.
|
