Road Train (2010) Movie Review

I love trailers.  Not the ones that you pull along with your car (although they are pretty cool), no – film trailers.  I always get excited when I see an amazing film trailer and the sheer amount of times that the finished film has failed to live up to its promo doesn’t seem to have taught me anything.  I still remember the excitement and stupid noises that came out of my mouth (and arse) when I first saw the trailers for “Transformers” and “Iron Man 2″ – two movies which actually ended up living up to their trailers (at least for me).

ERM, ROAD TRAIN DIDN’T.

Cool trailer – ooooooooooooooh, mysterious truck abducting and killing people in the Australian outback, sounds amazing.

Rubbish movie – oooooooooooooooooh, mysterious truck abducting and killing people in the Australian outback, but shit. Ok, not entirely shit, but not entirely good either.

“Road Train” starts off really well, with a great look, competent cast, excellent cinematography and a fail-safe bad guy – a giant truck.  It worked in “Road Kill”, “Jeepers Creepers”, “Monster Man”, “Duel”, “Trucks”, “Maximum Overdrive”, “Hush”, “Watch Out I’m A Killer Truck And I’m Gonna Eat You” and so on, so why wouldn’t it work here?  Well, it does, to begin with.  The first half of the film is effective in every way, building enough tension, intrigue, threat and mystery to have you champing at the bit to find out about what the funk this truck is up to.  Then they go and ruin it all in the second part.

Before I continue, I’ll outline the story.  A group of youngsters are out on a bit of a road trip, when they encounter the aforementioned truck, it bangs into them a bit, then stops by the side of the road.  They go over to investigate (amazing idea) and discover it deserted – then strange things happen, people get killed, and idiots jump around like annoying sacks.  Of course, it’s hard to fully analyse the film without ruining the ‘surprise’ but let’s just say it’s a ‘grinding’ disappointment.  Wow, that was clever.  Quite pleased with myself on that one.

Anyway, once they (sort of) discover what’s going on, the film goes downhill faster than a road train with no brakes.  It eventually descends into ludicrous histrionics by almost all the cast members, but particularly the blokes (even the usually great Xavier Samuel), who fling themselves about the screen like demented pogo-sticks. The explanation behind what’s going on is never explained, and although this can work to create poignancy (“The Strangers”), here, it’s all so convoluted that it’s aching for a reason behind the madness.  It’s lazy to think that you can get away with such a bonkers plot without giving even a hint of what’s actually going on.

It’s such a shame, as the potential displayed in the first half showed promise, a promise that was unfortunately broken come the insane plot shift half way through.  It’s all fantastically annoying, and by the time the arse-muscle-crampingly frustrating finale arrives, you’ll wish they’d all just got on the road train and drove it off a fucking cliff.

“Road Train” is out now on DVD from Optimum Home Entertainment.

Dean Francis (director) / Clive Hopkins (screenplay)
CAST: Bob Morley … Craig
Sophie Lowe … Nina
Georgina Haig … Liz
Xavier Samuel … Marcus
David Argue … The Psycho


Buy Road Train on DVD



About Gazz Ogden

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Gary enjoys films with explosions, fighting, giant robots, sex scenes, swearing, monsters and Eric Roberts - or what can more commonly be termed, 'shit'. He is an expert (by default) on films that nobody else watches and his favourite movie is Transformers - although he is aware lots of people watched that.

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  • Here

    “to have you chomping at the bit to find out about what the funk this truck is up to.”

    Champ. You champ at the bit, not chomp.

    • GazzO

      Thank you for the correction, you learn something new every day.

  • Allen

    The worst piece of crap movie I’ve ever seen!!

  • Ejas

    utter shit. Don’t waste your time or money. And if you must see it, leave your brain at the door. Rubbish with a capital R….

  • Dwdw

    not good… full of shit

  • Omendata

    I thought it was quite self explanatory – the truck was fed by the deaths of all those it killed using the people it hypnotised to kill – The three headed dog was a reference to Cerberus the ancient Greek /Roman demon/guardian to the gates of hell that feeds on the souls of the dead and prevents them from leaving hell!

    Each of Cerberus’ heads is said to have an appetite only for live meat and thus allow only the spirits of the dead to freely enter the underworld, but allow none to leave.
    Cerberus was always employed as Hades’ loyal watchdog, and guarded the gates that granted access and exit to the underworld – So there you go take from that what you will!!!

    Some genuinely spooky goings on!

    I love Aussie movies – so different to the usual dross!
    Picnic At Hanging Rock , Wolf Creek the list goes on!

    Not a brilliant movie but not as bad as people are making out – better than most of the dross on late night Horror!

    Blonde was quite tasty though!

    At least if you didnt like the movie you might get a stiff-on / boner / hard-on!
    >;o)