Rob Cohen’s Medieval Sounds … Huh?

When Rob Cohen decided to jump ship on a sure-fire moneymaker like the third “xXx” movie in favor of something called “Medieval”, one had to imagine the latter movie had to be really, really good, right? Maybe not so much. AICN has gotten their hands on what sounds like the plot of “Medieval”, and it sounds like … well, it sounds kind of stupid, actually. In a, “Are you serious?” kind of way. In fact, this film doesn’t sound nearly as epic or as gritty and bloody as I had originally heard it would be.

So here’s AICN with the film’s plot:

The film opens with a diverse group of warriors all imprisoned together, discussing how they’ve all ended up in this unfortunate circumstance. This eclectic group consisting of: a knight, a thief, a samurai, a zulu warrior, a viking, and a few others.

All of them have been setup and brought together for one reason: a wealthy man has tasked them with stealing a crown from an impenetrable vault of treasure. The crown is his, but they can keep whatever treasure that can carry out. The twist is that they only have till daylight to do so because they’ve all been injected with a poison that’ll kill them upon direct contact with the sun.

With Ocean’s 11 like precision they break into the vault in an incredible sequence of agility and stunts utilizing their own individual skill-sets, involving magnetic hallways and pressure sensitive floors they enter the vault…

At various points they’re attacked by gangs of birdmen, gypsy women, sumo wrestlers, zulu warriors, etc.

Injected with poison that will kill them in daylight? Magnetic hallways? I thought this thing was set in medieval times? Okay, maybe fancy poison and magnetic hallways do exist back then (what am I, a historian?), but where’s the grungy, bloody “Magnificent Seven” movie I was being promised? This doesn’t sound like it at all…

And according to someone in AICN’s talkback section, apparently there’s an interpreter who can speak all the different languages who tags along to translate between the group and keep them from killing one another. There’s a 99% chance that it’ll be a really hot girl. After all, a movie with this much testosterone needs at least one super hot girl.

Below: It’s like “Ocean’s 11”, except with swords, armor, and … er, daylight poison.