Sam Jackson vs. Those MotherEffin’ Pirates

Samuel L. Jackson’s faced off against gun-toting junkies, crooked cops, gangsters, Jackie Brown, slutty white girls, a plane full of snakes, and now you can add Somali pirates to the list. Variety says Jackson and H20 Motion Pictures have acquired the rights to make a movie based on the life of Andrew Mwangura, a freelance journalist and ex-marine engineer who also acts as a free-of-charge negotiator when pirates take ships hostage. Basically, dude works for free a lot.

Jackson would play Mwangura, whose last pro-bono gig was getting the Russians to pay pirates $3.4 million when they took the Ukrainian ship V.S. Fain hostage not all that long ago. Basically, he doesn’t storm the ship or anything, he just, you know, tells people to pay the money. Hell, I could do that. Why doesn’t Samuel L. Jackson turn my life story into a movie? I’m just saying.

The only way to make this movie slightly interesting is to deviate completely from the true story and turn Mwangura into a one-man Rambo of the high seas. Either that, or we’re gonna be watching Samuel L. Jackson telling people to pay money to a bunch of jackasses with AK-47s that probably don’t work.

Below: The only thing scarier than Somali pirates? Hannah Montana fans looking for a ticket to one of her concerts. Brrr.