Seagal. The Rock’s Cousin. That Guy from Mortal Kombat. Plus Vampires. Bring it!

I would like to tell you that Steven Seagal is experiencing something of a career renaissance, but that would be a bold face lie, and you know me and the truth — we’re tight like soul brothers. But hey, fans of the Pony Tail One can still rejoice, because Seagal has a couple of very intriguing projects coming up. There’s that Reality TV show on the A&E channel that will follow Seagal as he puts on a real badge and patrol the mean streets of New Orleans, and in 2009 Seagal will be coming out with a new movie called “Against the Dark” (formerly “Last Night”), which sees the Bloated Sensei playing, of course, a martial arts expert who must lead a band of mercs to save a bunch of civvies from a hospital overrun by vampires. (Stupid civvies.) But wait! This is a post-apocalyptic movie, and the world has been overrun by vampires!

Behold, the glory that is the “Against the Dark” premise:

Katana master Tao (Steven Seagal) leads a special ops squad of ex-military vigilantes on a massacre mission, their target: vampires. On the post-apocalyptic globe, sucked dry by bloodthirsty vampires, a few remaining survivors are trapped in an infected hospital. Tao is their only hope and he knows the only cure is execution. Now it’s time for the last stand against the flesh-eating vampires and there’s nothing left to lose but the last of humanity.

Are you kidding me? How can I NOT watch this movie as soon as it hits the DVD shelves? This is, like, the magnum opus of Steven Seagal/vampire horror movies that I’ve been waiting for ever since I heard about it, which was exactly five minutes ago when I read the story on STYD. Yup, it’s been that long. Come on, what’s with the delay?

The film will also co-star Tanoai Reed, who besides being cousin to Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, is also his “personal” stunt double. (I haven’t a clue what that means, but I’m assuming it’s a personal thing.) No surprise, as Reed and Johnson kinda look like identical twins (see pic above, right). Well not really, but close enough, I guess, and from a distance.

Plus, the film also boasts Linden Ashby, who gaming fans might recognize as Johnny Cage from the first “Mortal Kombat” movie (though not the second one, where Johnny Cage got killed before the opening credits were even done), but pervs may recognize him as Detective Michael Morrison from the two “Wild Things” sequels.

Did I mention how much this movie is gonna rock?

Below: Vampires? Are you kidding me? He ain’t afraid of no blood suckers. Steven Seagal has survived an attempted music career, bitches!