Shredder (2003) Movie Review

“Shredder” is a pretty idiotic movie. It’s completely random in just about everything it does and there’s no rhyme or reason for why things are the way they are. If there is one solace it’s that the film works quite well as a goofy, “Police Academy”-like spoof on low-budget horror films. Because God knows “Shredder” employs so many conventions of the genre as to be predictable in its inability to be even just a little bit original.

Our little low-budget horror/comedy is about a group of friends who treks to a remote ski lodge in upstate somewhere to do some “shredding” (that is, snowboard) and have lots of sex. Well, not really. They talk and act like they really want to have a lot of sex, but it’s mostly a tease. As it turns out only Slutty Robyn (Holly Towne) gets to have sex with confused European Christophe (Brad Hawkins). Not that Slut Princess Kimberly (Lindsey McKeon) doesn’t give it her all. As played by McKeon, Kimberly is the smuttiest girl in the world, but apparently that only goes for her character, because actress McKeon and director Greg Huson has conspired to give overt titillation but no follow-through worthy of a genre movie such as this. The most fans can hope for is nudity without actual nudity, which McKeon is game for, if not much else. What a cop out.

Not that sex matters in a movie like this. Everything is pretty much played for laughs — that is, except for the scenes that, for one reason or another, play straight. Upon arriving at the lodge, which has been closed after some murders, our group of supposed friends encounters a skier in black clothes that is going around killing delinquent shredders on the mountain. The killer, you see, is a stickler for the rules, and slaughters anyone who he thinks has broken the etiquette of the mountain. And being that shredders are notoriously outlaws because, you know, they’re cool and stuff, the killer has plenty of victims to choose from.

It’s not that “Shredder” is all that funny, even though it does have some good chuckles in it. The script by Huson and Craig Carlson is generally random — everything from its story to its narrative to its characters existing for the simple reason that the writers thought it might be interesting to put them together and kill them off one by one. That’s it. There’s absolutely no other reason for why this movie is the way it is — it just is. For instance, there’s absolutely no reason why serious Pike (Juleah Weikel), our lead female, is friends with Kimberly, who would be the shallowest person on the mountain if not for her airheaded Slut-in-Crime Robyn.

Also, Kimberly has come to the lodge with her Loyal Boyfriend Cole (Scott Weinger), but she has yet to sleep with the guy and actually plans on sleeping with some guy name Chaz or Chad. Which begs the question: Why did she bring Cole with her? Or for that matter, why are they dating at all, since Kimberly shows no affections for Cole whatsoever. In fact, Kimberly is humping the leg of just about any male that crosses her path except Cole, who as mentioned is not only Loyal, but a Clueless Idiot as well. Not just clueless to Kimberly’s inability to even put up a front to hide her need for sex with men other than Cole, but to Pike’s obvious (but illogical) crush on him.

The above is just a sample of “Shredder’s” complete randomness. The movie has no real ability to tell a coherent story, or, it would seem, the desire to do so. As a result it’s a bunch of gags strung together with comedic one-liners and plenty of killings. The blood flows freely, and while nothing about the movie or the characters make any sense whatsoever, at least the whole thing wasn’t as tedious or boring as it could have been if the script had approached the film as something serious. I can only imagine what a miserable time “Shredder” would have been had Huson and company failed to see the inexplicable idiocy of their enterprise.

On a final note, the movie’s funniest scenes involve the actors as they attempt to con the audience into believing they’re snowboarders. It’s a riot to hear these actors throw around words like “shred” and “rip”, especially since not a single one of them looks like they can snowboard, or have even been around snow in their life. I’m not sure if the film intended these “I’m a shredder, man!” dialogue to be funny, but the outcome is nevertheless good for some chuckles.

Greg Huson (director) / Craig Carlson, Greg Huson (screenplay)
CAST: Scott Weinger …. Cole
Brad Hawkins …. Christophe
Lindsey McKeon …. Kimberly
Juleah Weikel …. Pike
Holly Towne …. Robyn


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