Silent Venom (2009) Movie Review

That is it! I’ve had it with these mother******* snakes on this mother******* Pla- Er, Submarine? In a perfect world the idea of this film would have never even been thought of. Unfortunately for us we don’t live in that world and films like Silent Venom actually get made. “Silent Venom” takes everything that was awesome about “Snakes on a plane”, throws it away, and adds Luke Perry.

The film starts off on a remote pacific island where Dr. Andrea Swanson (Krista Allen) and her assistant Jake (Louis Mandylor) are working on making the perfect anti-venom. Meanwhile, back in the States, Lieutenant Commander James O’Neill (Luke Perry) is fresh out of court and on the fringe of dishonorable discharge from the Navy. Lucky for him, his superior is cutting him a break and giving him one last chance. So Commander O’Neill gets in a big beat up submarine, and begins his mission. Everything is going fine until tension with the Chinese military rises. This threat forces Dr. Swanson and her team off the island in addition to changing Commander O’Neill’s mission — he must now rescue the Dr. and her crew. Dr. Swanson has strict orders to bring four snakes with her on the submarine, but when Jake thinks he can make some extra cash flow on these snakes, he smuggles all twenty of them on there.

I bet you can tell where the plot of the film goes from here. I’ll give you a hint, the snakes escape and start torturing everyone on the ship. It’s a shame that the film doesn’t play into the campy B film that it really is. Silent Venom takes itself way too serious, which takes away any chance that you’ll be able to ”enjoy” the cult film. Ultimately, you will end up bored to tears. The only tension in the film is with the Chinese military, but you don’t actually feel that tension, you just hear about it. Claustrophobia is another big issue in this film. Considering you are in a submarine for the majority of the film you should feel like you can’t get away from the snakes. Unfortunately you don’t.

The CGI in Silent Venom is terrible, and that’s giving it credit. Within the first 10 minutes you see a huge snake the size of a skyscraper eat a guy in one swift motion. The thing is you never hear about or see that snake again, so you’re left with “bigger then normal but not huge” snakes in the submarine. Frankly, I’ve seen scarier things in a dorm room refrigerator. It boggles my mind why independent films with a small budget wastes money on bad CGI.

The acting in the film is sub par at best. Luke Perry is Luke Perry; not a terrible actor but not good by any means. I don’t believe that he is meant to be fighting snakes on a submarine, but maybe that’s just me. Bet he wishes that he took that special guest appearance on the new season of 90210. Every other actor in the film gives just as lackluster of a performance. At least Krista Allen is some eye candy throughout the film.

So all in all the film is terrible. The story lacks a lot. The CGI is terrible. The acting is bad. Silent Venom is just another (Insert Genetically Enhanced Creature) on a (Insert Claustrophobic area) scenario. “Snakes on a Plane” got lucky due to great viral marketing and Internet buzz. I doubt a straight to DVD film can pull off the same results. There is absolute no reason you should run out and watch this film.

Fred Olen Ray (director) / Mark Sanderson (screenplay)
CAST: Luke Perry … Lt. Comdr. James O’Neill
Krista Allen … Dr. Andrea Swanson
Tom Berenger … Admiral Bradley Wallace
Louis Mandylor … Jake Goldin
Anthony Tyler Quinn … Eddie Boudreau
John L. Curtis … Lt. Comdr. Houston Davies


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