Steven Seagal vs. the FBI — WHO YA GOT???

You won’t like Stevie Seagal when he’s mad, and the FBI has made Stevie boy mad. Steven Seagal says the FBI ruined his career, and turned him from an A-list Hollywood star making millions per movie to a Z-list direct-to-DVD kinda-star making change on 10 movies a year, where he invariably plays the same character with the same special forces past who proves to be more invincible than God himself. Now Seagal wants the FBI to apologize to him, allegedly for “harming his career by implicating he hired a private detective to intimidate journalists from writing unflattering stories about him.” You know, because Steven Seagal was a fantastic human being before Hoover’s boys supposedly targeted him.

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The 56-year-old has made 12 movies since 2001’s Exit Wounds – all have been released directly onto DVD, bypassing cinemas, and Seagal is convinced the leaked release of an October 2002 FBI affidavit linking him to the mob is responsible for his decline in popularity. The affidavit detailed how Seagal hired private eye Anthony Pellicano to threaten reporters, before the investigation focused entirely on Pellicano, who is now in prison awaiting a trial on charges including wire-tapping, But Seagal has never been publicly cleared by the FBI, and the actor wants this done so his reputation is immediately restored, reports the Los Angeles Times. Seagal recently said, “False FBI accusations fuelled thousands of articles saying that I terrorize journalists and associate with the Mafia. These kinds of inflammatory allegations scare studio heads and independent producers – and kill careers.” He added, “I was sick of hearing my name associated with a crime the government knew I had nothing to do with. Until it happens to you, you can’t imagine what it does to your life.”

Stevie should try not to do 20 movies a year playing the same character, and try to pick and choose a little bit instead of blaming his failed movie career on the FBI. Look at Jean-Claude Van Damme — sure, he’s no great actor, but the guy at least is picky about his projects. Seagal, meanwhile, will show up on the set of anything as long as the check clears. Hell, nowadays he doesn’t even show up on the set, and just uses a body double.

By the way, here’s Steven Seagal’s greatest movie role to date: