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If you’re the sort of seedy individual who likes to spend your free time watching low-budget monster movies featuring small clusters of has-beens and semi-celebrities, then director Mark Atkins’ upcoming creature feature “Sand Sharks” is definitely the sort of thing you need to keep a close eye on. Sure, the movie appears to be nothing more than a series of loosely-connected sequences involving CGI sharks noming down on some unsuspecting party-goers, but that’s precisely what you’d expect from something called “Sand Sharks”. Needless to say, I’ll be watching this nonsense as soon as I possibly can. I’m sure you already knew that.
Behold this needlessly verbose plot synopsis:
An underwater earthquake cracks open a crater deep beneath the ocean’s surface unleashing a prehistoric predator. On the sleepy island of White Sands, local teens drink and party beside a beach bonfire. One of them wanders off after a pretty girl and disappears, leaving only a severed hand behind. It appears it’s been bitten and ripped off by a vicious animal. This looks like a shark bite, but it’s found well above the high tide line, it can’t be a shark… Or can it? Jimmy Green (Corin Nemec), prodigal party boy and son of the mayor, returns home to White Sands with a scheme to breathe some life into the dying economy (and clear his debt to a mobster) by throwing a huge spring break party: The Sandman Festival. Jimmy runs into his ex, and now Deputy Sherriff, Brenda Young (Vanessa Lee Evigan). She and her brother, the Sheriff, want to close the island beaches in fear of further shark attacks, which would ruin Jimmy’s plans. Brenda calls in an expert, shark scientist Dr. Sandy Powers (Brooke Hogan), as the attacks continue. Dr. Powers says it appears to be a sand shark, a beast which moves through the sand as if it was water. A shark is electrocuted by accident, but it’s soon discovered that this shark, though gigantic, was only a baby! The festival continues and thousands of college kids arrive just as dozens of sand sharks make their presence known, attracted by the vibrations of the crowd and the PA system. The most menacing beasts to ever rule the waters, now rule the sand; mercilessly feeding on anything that crosses their path. It’s a giant feeding frenzy and it’s up to Brenda, Sandy, the Sherriff, and Jimmy to stop the carnage.
“Sand Sharks”, which stars Corin Nemec, Vanessa Evigan, Eric Scott Woods, Gina Holden, and Brooke Hogan’s jiggly parts, will attempt to take a bite out of your better judgment on January 17th, 2011.