The G.I. Joe Movie Trailer is Awesome! Awesomely Awful, That is.

Hey kids, remember that movie “G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra”? Wow, it sure seems like a lifetime ago since the Powers That Be released those promo images of the characters in their combat gear for all the world to see, huh? As I recall, the reaction was one big: “Eh, whatever, what else you got?” Which, needless to say, was not what the studio had expected when they doled out the images to various movie news sites like gold bars. So here we are, not having heard a whole lot about the movie for the longest time … until now. Someone has just come from a test screening for the first “G.I. Joe” movie trailer (yes, they are test screening trailers now), and his reaction, in a word: “Awful.” Read on.

Via NuketheFridge, who has a detail description of the trailer and what’s hot and not so hot about it:

The trailer begins with some jets zooming by and dropping some bombs. Then we see Dennis Quaid as Hawk talking to members of a new elite fighting force he says has been put together to fight terrorism. We see a couple of terrorist attacks, some G.I. Joe guys dressed like Snake Eyes jumping out of a plane, and the Eiffel tower being toppled by what looks like some green ooze. Next we see some quick shots of a number of characters like Scarlett, Channing Tatum’s Duke on a motorcycle, Sienna Miller as the Baroness sliding down a staircase railing, and a quick shot of Snake Eyes and Stormshadow fighting. About the Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow fight…it looks about as bad as a fight from the “Double Dragon” movie from the early 90’s. Finally we get another quick editing job of some action sequences that go by really too quick to make anything out, and then finally there is this really lame sequence featuring some horrible CG work, as a couple of rockets are launched at some Joes dressed again to look like Snake Eyes. They do this dive / twirl through mid air where they some how avoid the rockets as they swirl by. The “G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra” title appears on screen followed by “Summer 2009.” In all the trailer was about a minute long. I was told they are testing the trailer for debut as a possible Super Bowl commercial. There was no footage of Destro, Zartan, or Cobra Commander.

So let’s summarize: Snake Eyes vs. Storm Shadow fight is not so hot. Green ooze. Hawk. No Destro. Wait, the Snake Eyes vs. Storm Shadow fight is not so hot??? Okay, granted, it’s just a minute-long teaser trailer, but come on, aren’t you supposed to pull out all the stops for your teaser, the first ever live footage anyone anywhere will be seeing of your movie? First impressions are everything, as the saying goes.

I guess we’ll just have to wait til the Super Bowl to see it for ourselves. And of course by “wait” I mean until some kind soul leaks it onto the Internets, which at the rake of leakage from Hollywood in the previous years, is probably a week or two before the actual airing.

Below: “Are you saying I’m not worth sitting through a lousy movie for? Well?”