The Russians Remake Commando. Literally.

You know, I’ve seen remakes, and then I’ve seen remakes, but this remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger explosion-a-second ’80s actioner “Commando” by some Russians really takes the cake. They call the movie “Day D” (shouldn’t it be “D Day”? Would make more sense, anyway), and the big, hulking Russian dude you see in the trailer (below) is also the star. Oh yeah, no vanity project anywhere near this one, folks. But hey, so what if it looks like a scene-by-scene copy of the original, it couldn’t be any worst than when Arnold played it, right? Plus, Rae Dawn Chong ain’t got nothin’ on the stewardess in this one.

Here’s the plot of “Day D” — sort of. Twitch ran it through the translator and this is what they came up with.

Mayor Airborne troops on behalf of Ivan resigns. Together with a small daughter Zheney sequester it in the forest village somewhere of Vladivostok. Their quiet violates arrival of Ivan former chief, Colonel Makarova, who announced a series of murders Ivan his former colleagues by the unknown criminal group. According to Colonel Makarova, will soon turn comes to Ivan. Immediately after the conversation with Ivan Makarov on the house to raid. Ivan does not save her daughter – her hostage unknown, and taken from their homes. Ivan puts in pursuit of the kidnappers…

Couldn’t they have gotten Alyssa Milano to play the kidnapped kid? She could use the work…

Here’s the trailer for the original: