5. Bryan Mills (“Taken”/Liam Neeson)
Bryan Mills doesn’t have money, or resources, but he does have skills. Insanely deadly skills, and when white slavers in France abduct his daughter, Mills hops on a plane for some little vengeance. Before he’s finished, half of France is in ruins, and he’s racked up quite the impressive bodycount. Here’s the scene that proves just how badass this dad really is — and there’s not even anything happening onscreen except Mills on the phone with the bad guy!
4. Ogami Ittō (“Lone Wolf and Cub”/Tomisaburo Wakayama (Various))
Second only to Kung Wei and Son when it comes to Father-Dad asskicking combo, Ogami Ittō and his kid, aka Lone Wolf and Cub, cut a swath of death and destruction across Feudal Japan as the Shogun attempted to take out father and son with everything at his disposal. As is typical of Japanese swordplay movies, geysers of blood are the order of the day in this most excellent series of movies, TV show, and various incarnations.
3. Kung Wei (“My Father is a Hero”/Jet Li)
How badass is Jet Li’s undercover cop character in “My Father is a Hero”? So badass that he’s willing to beat the shit out of his kid and “fake-kill” the brat in order to maintain his cover among the bad guys. Dude is hardcore! Later, dad and son teams up to fight the bad guys, with Li’s Kung Wei tossing the kid around like he was some kind of weapon. Now that’s what I call child rearing skills!
2. Harry Tasker (“True Lies”/Arnold Schwarzenegger)
You can try to blow up the country, steal nukes, and even put his wife in danger, but don’t even think about fucking with Harry Tasker’s daughter. James Cameron’s “True Lies” had a lot of memorable scenes, but the best one had to be toward the end, when Harry Tasker swooped in to rescue his teenage daughter (an impossibly cute Eliza Dushku) in a harrier jet. “You’re fired, terrorist scum!”
1. John Matrix (“Commando”/Arnold Schwarzenegger)
The lesson here? Don’t fuck with Arnold Schwarzenegger’s daughters, cause the boy don’t fuck around when you endanger his offspring, especially when they’re cute and spunky and destined to grow up into Alyssa Milano. “Commando” all started when the bad guys wanted former special forces guy John Matrix to kill some of their enemies, and they made the mistake of taking his daughter as collateral. Result? John Matrix ended up killing an island full of bad guys. Total? About 200 bodies, give or take a dozen. But hey, who’s counting?
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