Top 5 Steven Seagal Movie Babes

Steven Seagal is not an easy man to love. Being one of those tough guy action heroes, he’s liable to get into a world of trouble at the drop of a dime, with everyone from the mob to serial killers to ninjas coming at him full-bore. Hey, that’s just how the Ponytail One rolls. You got a problem with that? When he sees injustice being perpetrated, or the underdog being mistreated, what’s he supposed to do, just stand there? Of course not. So Steven Seagal cracks heads, arms, legs, and when he’s in a really foul mood, he goes for the eye gouge, too. (Popping eyeballs are fun.) So what kind of woman could love such a dangerous man? As you’ll see, there are plenty of good woman to stand behind The Seagal. Here, then, are our Top 5 Steven Seagal Movie Babes.

#5. Sharon Stone (Role: Seagal’s Wife in “Above the Law”)

Back in 1988, a good 4 years before she pulled a Britney Spears in the movies before Britney Spears even thought of it, Sharon Stone had to dance with some pretty tough cinematic dudes. There was Carl Weathers in “Action Jackson”, Arnold Schwarzenegger in “Total Recall”, and Dylan McDermott in “Where Sleeping Dogs Lie”. Okay, so maybe not so much Dylan McDermott, but the rest, most definitely. And you can add Steven Seagal to that list of tough guys who have had a go at Sharon Stone, playing the homely wife of Seagal’s tough guy cop Nico Toscani (!!) in 1988’s “Above the Law”. Stone never got to do anything particularly noteworthy in the film, but it’s a gas to realize that, once upon a time, Sharon Stone was not always cinema’s raunchiest sex bomb. How quaint.

In this scene from “Above the Law”, uber tough cop Nico shows his feminine side. All together now: Awwwwwwwwwwwww. Then later he went out and beat the crap out of 5 thugs and bitch slap 10 guys just standing about wondering what was going on. Suckers.

#4. Joan Chen (Role: Seagal’s Eskimo Love Interest from “On Deadly Ground”)

“On Deadly Ground” marked a number of breakthroughs for Seagal — besides showing off his concern for the environment, Alaska’s indigenous population, and baby seals, Seagal didn’t just star as Forrest Taft (!!!), but also wrote and directed the film. It was his first directorial gig, and last, although he is scheduled to go back behind the camera for 2008’s “Prince of Pistols”. In “On Deadly Ground”, Joan Chen played an Eskimo chick who totally digs Seagal because he beat the crap out of a bunch of people making fun of Eskimos. Then later, Seagal blows up a couple of oil refineries and, if memory serves, chops Michael Caine’s evil oil tycoon character’s head off with a baby seal. Seagal loves baby seals, but if it means sacrificing one to take out a stinking Big Oil businessman, then by God he’s willing to make that sacrifice.

In this scene from “On Deadly Ground”, Seagal teaches Joan Chen’s Masu character the ways of the White Man. That is, the rain comes from up there, although he isn’t quite sure where it goes from there. Hey, he’s a man out for justice on deadly ground, he ain’t got time to crack open no stinkin’ encyclopedia.

#3. Kelly LeBrock (Role: Seagal’s Impromptu Nurse in “Hard to Kill”

It’s hard to resist the charm of a man like Steven Seagal, and when Kelly LeBrock met him on the set of “Hard to Kill”, it was love at first sight. Or maybe second sight. Or perhaps during the fiftieth take. I’m just guessing here, give me a break. As it turns out, the duo ended up getting hitched off the set, which would seem to catapult Kelly LeBrock’s turn as a Seagal Movie Babe way to the top. But nope, not on this list. LeBrock’s character was just a kindly nurse who took an interest in the shot-to-pieces Mason Storm (!!), but never really got to do a whole lot more than that. Plus, the hair. Good God, that is some horrendous hair!

In these scenes from “Hard to Kill”, Kelly LeBrock demonstrates how to capture the attention of a mean badass whose entire family has just been wiped out by the bad guys. Hats, ladies. Hats, hats, and lots of hats. And when the hats fail, go for the big hair. Harden badasses are suckers for gigantic hair.

#2. Jill Hennessy (Role: Seagal’s Cop Boss in “Exit Wounds”)

If you’ve seen “Exit Wounds”, then you know that whoever wrote the script composed the entire thing out of action movie cliches, right down to casting the gorgeous Jill Hennessy as Steven Seagal’s badass cop character’s female boss, because, you know, ain’t it cool watching a tough dude like Seagal be boss around by a totally hot chick who he thought was a man when he heard her name? There’s, like, sexual tension and whatnot, because who can resist Seagal? Oh man, the hilarity that ensues is breathless! Anyhow. Jill Hennessy’s character butted heads with Seagal’s improbably named Orin Boyd (!!) character, but quickly comes to realize his value to her precinct, and backs him up on his play against some crooked cops.

In this scene from “Exit Wounds”, Seagal’s character, who thought his new boss was a dude, is flabbergasted when he realizes that his new ball-busting boss is actually a woman, and an uber hot one at that. As you might expect, hilarity ensues. Well, not really, but you know. Kinda.

#1. Erika Eleniak (Role: Stripper-cum-Commando in “Under Siege”

When you go from a stripper who jumps out of cakes for a living to running around a battleship taken over by terrorists (led by a goofy Tommy Lee Jones and a cross-dressing Gary Busey, no less!), then you must be doing something right. Or at least, you’re one tough Steven Seagal movie babe. In the 1992 “Die Hard in a Battleship” movie “Under Siege”, Eleniak plays a stripper name Jordan Tate who ends up running up and down the corridor of the battleship alongside Seagal’s more famous roles (he’s a chef — and a former special forces badass!). She even dons commando gear and mouths off at the American Military brass back home through a radio. Hey, they had it coming, anyway, the jerks.

In these scenes from “Under Siege”, Erika Eleniak’s Jordan Tate demonstrates her lethal weapons to the brass of the battleship, and then later uses her patented “pop out of the cake with your bare ass visible in a G-string to distract the bad guys while Seagal pop caps in their ass” technique to take back the ship. This is a proven formula, and has been credited with winning at least two wars. You go, girl!

Note: A lot of the pics are from NathanaelROUX’s Steven Seagal fansite.