With news of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 1990 sci-fi actioner “Total Recall” possibly getting the remake treatment courtesy of the Weinstein Brothers, I thought it would be interesting to cast the remake with a dream cast. Or, actually, a dream cast according to me, because, frankly, isn’t my opinion the only one that matters? But I digress. First of all, forget Arnold. He doesn’t need to come back, he doesn’t need to do a cameo, and there doesn’t have to be any inkling of Arnold in the remake. Let’s face it, Arnold wasn’t the best thing about “Total Recall”, it was all about the premise — a construction worker thinks he’s a secret agent from Mars, and as it turns out, he is — except he isn’t? Great premise!
So with Arnold out of the picture, who should play Douglas Quaid, aka Hauser? He has to be able to act, he needs to have the size, and he should be able to kick ass like no one’s business.
How about Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson? He’s got the size, the acting chops, and — well, aren’t those things enough? I think so.
And here’s a major cast that needs to be gotten right: the Lori character originally played by a then-unknown Sharon Stone. This is the faux wife who turns out to be a badass butt kicker who follows Hauser to Mars. In the remake, she should stick around longer.
So who should play her? Maggie Q.
Why Maggie Q.? She can kick ass (see her in “Live Free or Die Hard”) and she’s a looker (see the picture below), and I get the feeling she’ll relish doing the uber bitch that was the Lori character.
And of course, if we’ve cast the Lori character, we now turn our attention to Melina, originally played by Rachel Ticotin, who Lori ends up having a major throw down with. In our remake, the throw down will be even more hardcore, and if you have Maggie Q. on one side, how could you do any less than … Paz Vega?
Obviously, there is no reason why the Melina character needs to be Spanish, but why not? Paz Vega is a proven actor, and after a month or two of martial arts lessons, she should be ready to throw down with Maggie Q. Tell me envisioning the two women going at it doesn’t have the potential to be the hottest thing you’ll ever see?
And finally, there are the “other” guys — the male villains: Vilos Cohaagen (Ronny Cox) and Richter (Michael Ironside).
The most important character is Richter, who needs to be tough enough to go blow-for-blow with The Rock and crazy enough to sell the Psycho Villain part. Who meets those criteria?
How about Ian McShane.
Sure, McShane will need to lift some weights to fit the part, but can you imagine a more perfect, crazier, and at the same time, “out of control” hood than McShane?
For Vilos Cohaagen, the casting is less important, since anyone with any background as a movie “heavy” can do the exposition that’s basically all Cohaagen does in the movie. That and look sinister when required.
For that, Presidential candidate Fred Thompson should fit the bill.