Three reviews for Stephen Sommers’ “G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra” have popped up online this Wednesday morning. Apparently Paramount decided to do a little advance screening of their little indie movie in Kansas City, of all places, and as expected, the reviews flooded in. Well, okay, three review came in to two different sites, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that the two reviews over at AICN are real, while the third one, over at Latino Review, reeks of bullshit plant.
The two over at AICN are not sold on the quality of the movie, but seem to admit that it’s not nearly as atrocious as they had expected. Not great, mind you, but there are actually some great action sequences that clearly cost a lot of money, and it’s agreed that every scene with Snake Eyes is uber badass. Although the reviewers seem confused as to why Snake Eyes’ mask-costume thingie had a mouth, as, well, Snake Eyes never says a word, and even if he did, those fake “lips” thing wouldn’t move anyhow.
Over at LR, meanwhile, some plant sent in a review to let us know that “Rise of Cobra” is the greatest movie ever made. In, like, EVER. Don’t even bother reading the review. It has no specifics, no critique at all, it’s really one long review about how brilliant “Rise of Cobra” is.
Do read the two AICN ones. I think they get to the heart of the matter: not great, but not as much suck as you may have feared. Plus, Channing Tatum can’t act, and Snake eyes rocks the joint. Warning: The AICN reviews have tons of SPOILERS in them.
But wait, there’s more! Here’s a viral video for “G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra” with a guy in one of the movie’s hokey accelerator suits riding a skateboard. I wish I could tell you some kid did this in his basement with a Mac, but let’s face it, the CGI in this thing looks exactly like what you already saw in the trailers. The last time Paramount tried this with Bay’s “Transformers 2” it was novel. Now it’s just silly.