Universal Soldier 3: The Next Generation!

I know what you’re thinking: “Hah, that’s funny, he made up the title of the movie.” Nope, I’m not. That’s actually the title that the latest “Universal Soldier” movie is going by. “Universal Soldier 3: The Next Generation”. And they didn’t just get a couple of roid ragers for the role, either; they actually went out and got the original Universal Soldiers themselves, Jean Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren. The film is currently shooting in some Godforsaken bombed out Eastern European country under the auspices of John Hyams, a TV director who has shot episodes of Blind Justice and NYPD Blue.

Full synopsis for the movie, images, and a behind-the-scenes video from the boys at Quiet Earth, who I thought only covered post-apocalyptic movies, but they seem to have expanded into sequels of ’80s movies as well. Hey, you gotta grow, right?

A crazed Chechen nationalist, BASAYEV, seizes control of Chernobyl, site of the infamous nuclear meltdown, and threatens to unleash a radioactive cloud unless his nationalist blackmail demands are met.

LUC DEVEREAUX (Jean-Claude Van Damme) joins a U.S. team of revived UniSoldiers secretly held in deep storage. Their mission: retake Chernobyl and disable explosives that will unleash the radioactive clouds. Luc is surprised when he finds one of the reactivated UniSoldiers is a clone of his old Sergeant, ANDREW SCOTT (Dolph Lundgren). But the cloned Andrew has no recollection of Luc.

As the team furiously battles its way into the Chernobyl plant, they are caught off guard. Using a mind-control chip, Baseyev turns Andrew against his own comrades. Now surrounded, wounded, and out-numbered, Luc must battle Andrew, and save the world.

Oh, Luc, when will you ever learn? Never, ever trust Andrew. I mean, come on, and in Russia, too! Didn’t you see “Rocky 4”?