Van Damme. Universal Soldier. Eh, Why Not?

You can kill him, you can bury him, and you can chop him into pieces, but that doesn’t mean you will stop him. Well okay, you could probably stop him with the last part, but the first two probably won’t do it. That’s how tough those Universal Soldier soldiers are. Or at least, they were pretty tough in the first “Universal Soldier” that I saw back in theaters all those many years ago. I think they’ve been three more since, with those steroid monsters from the world of wrestling taking over the roles, but if you’re expecting me to know anything about them beyond that, then screw you, I have better taste in movies than that. (Well, most of the time.) In any case, “Universal Soldier 5”? With Van Damme back as the star? Yup.

The Muscles from Brussels tell MTV as such:

“I don’t know if they want to make it a video release or theatrical,” he said. Actually there are a lot of question marks, like is he really starring in the film or is this a glorified cameo? “I’m just going to do 10 days.” Hmm, so what about Dolph Lundgren? He’s back, right?!? “I told them, guys bring in Dolph! They said there’s no more value [to cast him]. I said, ‘it will have value with me!’”

So much for that reunion. But there will be a familiar Van Damme collaborator joining the franchise on this go round. As has been rumored in the past “Timecop” director Peter Hyams will serve as director of photography for the film. In fact, that confirmation just happened. “Peter Hyams just yesterday called me to say he’s going to DP my film,” Van Damme said excitedly.

“I said, ‘are you crazy? You’re going to DP? You’re an excellent director.’” Helming the film will be “Unitl Death” director Simon Fellows, the muscles from Brussells said. Van Damme has a lot of regard for Hyams professionally and personally saying, “He was the only who visited me in the clinic when I was there years ago. All the agents and managers who made a fortune with me never came.”

The last part about Van Damme being in the clinic and no one visiting except for Hyams is pretty sad, but that’s Hollywood for ya. They’ll bleed you dry, and when you can no longer offer up sustenance, they’ll kick you to the curb. Just ask Seagal. Snipes. Or, well, Van Damme.

Below: It’s not the size of the man that matters, it’s the size of his B.F.G.